I'm finding myself busier and busier these days, and I suppose that's a good thing, but it means I don't come to this site as much as I used to and it's hard to find the time.

Yet, here I am! I think it's still important to read the posts and put down my thoughts from time to time, so I don't become complacent in my recovery.

Yesterday was the end of my 1st year and 1st month. 13 months clean. Amazing. And on top of it I came into some big money last week and got excited that I could pay down some debt. Not gamble - that wasn't even a consideration (until right now, not even a thought). Pay down debt. You know, that's amazing when I think of where I was 13 months ago.

13 months ago, that money would be gone by now and I'd be asking (yet again) 'What have I done?!' But now, with a whole new trajectory in life, I'm paying down debt and enjoying life. I never had a big win that ever felt as good as this does. I know I'm never going to be 'safe' from gambling, but I do know now that I can be stronger than the addiction. I just have to remember that fact each and every day. And believe me, I do.

My urges don't seem to exist anymore. I don't have to battle them day after day, but I know in the back of my mind that they're still there. Still living and waiting for a weak moment to start whispering in my ear. The thing that really helps me these days is the fact that I can actually see a light at the end of the tunnel now, regarding my debt load. I will be completely out of debt by September 2014. And that's while paying for all my living expenses in the meantime. I can't complain.

I think I got out of this whole gambling addiction just in time. I was truly at the edge of the abyss when I quit and in one more month, I probably would have been jobless, homeless, hopeless and helpless. Thank God I somehow managed to stop cold turkey when I did. I don't feel cocky about it, I just feel so incredibly fortunate.

I do, however, feel cocky about maintaining my gambling-free status. That IS something to crow about. It wasn't always easy, and there are so many times I could have gone back, but each time, I chose to continue recovery. EACH TIME.

I've never gone to GA, it just isn't for me. And I used to worry that that choice was foolish. But you know what? For me, it was the right choice. I found other tools that worked for me. (Notice the 's'). I'm not saying GA or counselling won't work for others. In fact I'm sure they're a Godsend, but it's important, I think, that you find the path that works for YOUR recovery. It has to work for YOU. That takes some honesty and some hard work, but I'm here to tell you, it works.

Honesty is the first step. Hard work is every step after that. But once you start on your chosen path, it gets better. And I know that if the tools I use that have worked for me so far, stop working, I'll happily explore other options before I allow this stinking addiction to ever control my life again. I'm not afraid of choices that work, I'm just a big believer in knowing that not every tool works the same for every person. Choose wisely, because you matter. Anyway, I just wanted to touch base as I begin my second month in my second year. GOD I LOVE THAT SENTENCE!!!!

Here's wishing your choices and your path work as well for you as mine have worked for me.

Today I will not gamble. Never again.