I can't believe how little time I have some months. It seems like I'm always starting a new project and what little free time I have is devoted to an hour on the couch watching recorded shows, then bed.

That's not a complaint, by the way. That's a brag. I can focus again! I can decide I want to accomplish something and then actually accomplish it!

As an added bonus, I've gotten to the point where I'm so busy I don't even have time to contemplate my recovery, let alone my addiction. Oh, it's all real, but it's just not the focal point of my life anymore. I don't ever forget I'm an addict to the end of my life and that I can't fool myself into thinking I'm okay to gamble a little. I'm not. I am, however, okay to never gamble again. I'm also okay BECAUSE I intend to never gamble again.

Time weakens this addiction and strengthens the addict. Time and commitment. Commitment is key.You see, without the commitment you simply can't have the time. The longer it's been since your last bet, the stronger you get, but a slip takes you right back to the start, strength wise. So a year of no gambling is exponentially more powerful than a year of recovery with a few slips. That's because the only time that really helps you is the time since your last bet. Period. I wish it was otherwise for those who are struggling, but it simply isn't.

But the good news is, I did it and I'm just an ordinary guy. It IS do-able. In fact it actually becomes do-able early on in the recovery process, and slowly but steadily becomes easy... well, easier. There are still occasional blips of an urge and moments where you think, 'I would STILL like to gamble'. But they're totally manageable and are far more controllable than the withdrawal stage of quitting. No comparison. In fact, when I do compare the two, that's when the word 'easy' feels accurate and fair to say. But since I'm always leery of getting cocky, I tend to go with 'easier'. Makes me a kook, don't it? That's okay, I'm a clean kook, and can live with that.

And that's what I'm doing these days. I'm living. Again. Still paying down debt, and marveling at how much is gone. Paying my monthly bills like a trooper and STILL being blown away that there's extra money in my wallet. Extra time in my day to do all the things I never used to have the time to do.

I'm not really a workaholic but I've just had so many things lately that I a) HAD to complete, and b) WANTED to complete that I'm amazed at my active life. It's crazy and unreal that I've gotten to this place when only a year and 3 months ago I thought everything was hopeless and I was helpless. Back then I couldn't believe in, let alone see, a light at the end of the tunnel.

That's why I gave up the couch tonight. And believe me, THAT is a sacrifice. I wanted to put out there the truth that I KNOW any one of us can do this. And it's SO worth it.

So please, if you're reading this and suffering, believe me when I say from experience that life doesn't have to be agonizing due to an addiction. You CAN stop. It's not fun at the beginning, but it's only truly hard for a little while. For me, it got better sometime in the second week. Then I had to adjust to being gambling free and STAYING gambling free. But guess what. I did that too. I took it one day at a time, I allowed myself to be scared, angry, weak, frustrated, tired, and hopeful all at the same time, with a huge dose of 'determined' to add some flavor. And I stopped believing the lie that 'one more gambling session' could alleviate my troubles. It couldn't. It was a lie because I couldn't walk away with a win. THAT was the catch. A 'big win' might have helped my financial situation, but ONLY if I could walk away with it. And I could never walk away. All I could ever really do was not go back. And I didn't. And I haven't for 1 year and 3 months.

Not bad, huh? Actually it's better than not bad. It's great. But the absolute BEST part of it is that YOU can do this too.

Absolutely. The. Best. Part. Speaking of which...

Today I will not gamble. Never again.

I am reading backwards, but this is great! Glad to see you have over a year!!!!!

Thanks! (So am I)