I was just sitting here thinking about my journey so far and I'm trying to figure out why I've succeeded so far in not gambling. I'm going to make a list of things I've tried over the years and list them (as honestly as I can) in one of two columns: Failed or Worked. Maybe I'll find it useful, maybe you will, but if not, at least it was free.

Failed:

1) Avoidance.
Failed miserably. I could only do it for so long and the entire time the gambling voice in my head kept whispering. When I could avoid no longer, I gambled. It was like trying to diet, where the diet was starvation. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea.

2) Substitution.
Another good attempt that went nowhere. Turns out the neurons, or whatever it is that gambling pops in my brain, just kept popping as I played 'no cash' games. (Apparently the addiction couldn't care less about cash - which must be why I'm so in debt).

3) Will Power, Determination, Hope, Prayer or Anything else.
Seriously. As long as I used the first 2 'tools' I failed no matter what else I tried. Primarily because I hadn't actually stopped all gambling (and it turns out there's no 1/2 gambling) or dealt with the underlying problems that caused it and IT caused. It sounds so simple but honestly I couldn't see it. At my core was the hope that I would find a way to stop being addicted but still be able to 'enjoy' gambling.

Until I got real about the problem, there simply WAS no solution, no tool, no trick that kept me from going back, Why? Because I'd never left. I might as well have gambled with my eyes closed. As long as I don't SEE me gambling, I'm not gambling.


Worked:

1) Facing the fear and horrible need to gamble - and resisting it.
It wasn't fun. It wasn't easy. But it wasn't impossible either. I allowed myself to be pissed off that I had to endure it. To acknowledge how rotten it was and to truly believe it would get better IF I dealt with it. I was quitting an addiction. OF COURSE it was horrible! It's SUPPOSED to be. What did I think it would be? A trip to Disneyland?

2) Quitting ANYTHING & EVERYTHING like gambling.
I even cancelled my Pogo account. I felt silly at first, but I'll be damned if it didn't work. I found other things to do when I was bored, but I didn't do anything when an urge hit, but face it and hate it and endure it.

3) Concentrating on the feelings I experienced AFTER I gambled not BEFORE.
One of the things that that voice in my head would do would be to paint a beautiful picture of gambling. It never even attempted to remind me how sick I would feel after (and sometimes during) a gambling jag. So I decided I would take on that task and remind myself each time the urge hit me.

4) Will Power, Determination, Hope, Prayer.
Once I had those first 3 strategies in place, The rest DID become tools. And they worked! They're not primary tools. They need YOU to provide the electricity for them to operate. That electricity comes from a generator YOU build with the first 3 choices.

I'm not everyone. So what worked for me, may not work for all, but I can tell you that if you're serious about quitting, what worked for me can dramatically increase your chance of succeeding.

THIS post is important to me, because I'm going to come back to it, every so often, to recharge. I'm almost finished my 4th month and it feels great, but I know it's a long journey and failure can happen. It's important to me that I have as many tools in my shop as possible to stay on the straight and narrow. This particular blog post (hell, maybe all of them) is something I not only built, but also something I intend to use to make my life better.

Today I will not gamble. Never again.

Note to 'almost finished my 4th month' me from 'in my 10th month' me:

I DO still come back to this post. It's still true. Thank you (or me - whatever - and obviously, I'm STILL certifiable)

Today I will not gamble. Never again.

Dear 'almost finished my 4th month' me and 'in my 10th month' me: STILL coming back and it's STILL true. Love '18th month' me. xoxo (PS: You're older and fatter but still lovable - you sexy beast)