Well, I did it. If 9 months means anything, I'm born again! My humor hasn't improved (obviously) but who cares? It's amazing to me to be here - 9 solid months of being free from gambling. Let the bad jokes fly!

On the other hand...

It's not really funny at all. I truly believe we, the people on this site right now, are only the beginning of a terrible & soon to be enormous social problem. Gambling addiction.

I'm only speaking for what I see in Canada, but I bet it's pretty uniform around the western world. Everywhere I look I see lotteries, keno, bingo, vlt's, slots, casinos, and of course, online versions of them all, too.

It's become epidemic. Not just the outlets for gambling but the advertising for them all, as well. I think there are thousands of people out there who aren't addicted - yet. But thanks to the marketing by our governments, they'll sit down one night at a slot machine, win $3,000.00 and think (like I did), 'How did I not know about this?! It's like free money!' and the cycle will begin anew for some poor schmuck who didn't see it coming.

For me, it hit on my first big win, which was about $3,000.00 (thus my choice of money above) which got me to go back almost the very next night where I won another $2,000.00. After that I was doomed. I couldn't let go of the knowledge that the 'big win' existed. It felt as though I'd be a fool to stop going back. The first few times I lost my money, I stopped and went home. Then one night, I didn't. I went back to the ATM and withdrew a large amount and went back to my machine. I hit big. I NEVER stopped after losing what I promised to use after that. Never. From then on I was owned by the addiction. I played until I had depleted my bank account.

Funny thing, though. I never used my credit cards until I started playing online. One day I found my province had a website for Keno and lottery. They had a 500.00 weekly limit. Needless to say I spent 2,000.00 a month playing. Or rather, I spent my 2,000.00 cash along with all my 'winnings' each month. And somehow, I always talked about the winning, like I was doing great. Looking back, I see now that I never took my winnings. I gambled and lost them. Consistently.

And loved it.

That's the thing. Although I started hating what it was doing to me, I LOVED the gambling. Everything about it. THAT was bad. But bad got worse, when they added full casino games and upped the weekly limit to (are you ready for this?) $10,000.00!!

Yes, $10,000.00. A WEEK. Who did they think their customers were? Oil Sheiks? Actually, I think we all know, that THEY knew their customers were mostly addicts. They let you 'set' your limit and you couldn't increase it for a week. I think I originally set mine to $3,000.00 but upped it to $5,000.00 by the end. Wasn't I restrained? I actually thought I was, since I had the option of $10,000.00 - how sad is that? About a year of that and I was desperately waiting for each payday to pay down my cards & repay a payday loan (ALWAYS a payday loan) & gamble the rest away, plus re-use what I'd just put on my cards and a new payday loan plus a line of credit & 2 overdrafts. I was becoming a expert at financial juggling... and starvation diets.

Anyway, after about a year of that, I worked up the courage to see how much I'd gambled on the website (by the way, I still hit casinos & other websites) and it was just over $97 or $98 THOUSAND. I didn't memorize the exact amount, I didn't need to, $100,000 thousand was close enough & that terrified me. I DON'T MAKE $100,000 a year. Obviously I had gambled all my winnings too, but add in to that a whopping debt & there's your explanation.

And that was only ONE site. I feel sick just remembering...

Now here's the kicker. I finally quit gambling for good a YEAR after THAT. It took me another YEAR to seriously quit gambling! THAT'S how insidious this addiction truly is. I'm not sure how much money I blew through in the last 5 years, but I DO know it was progressive. I got worse as time went by. I've decided to just consider the last year and the one site. It's less nightmarish that way.

Don't worry, though, $100,000.00 in one year is nightmarish enough for me to take the power of this disease seriously.

You want to know something odd? I don't feel a single twinge to recoup what I lost. I honestly don't. Maybe it's because I know I couldn't, since I could never cash out my winnings. Maybe it's because I don't care. Maybe it's just because no amount of money equals the freedom of being 9 months clean from such a frightening addiction.

Whatever it is, I'll take it. My goal... my plan... my prayer is that I NEVER gamble again. I'm grateful to be on THIS side of THAT story and I don't ever want to become a relapse story. That's just too horrible to contemplate.

So, I make myself remember WHY I'm still here blogging. Why I will never be a non-gambler, but always be a proud EX-gambler. Why I can never forget & let my guard down. Why it matters as much today as it did in the throws of my addiction. I can't stop once I begin, but I CAN refuse to place that first bet. I have THAT power. So do you. It's the only real power we have.

So today I'm starting my 10th month of being free from gambling, and like my very first day 9 months ago I say (with great gratitude)...

Today I will not gamble. Never again.

Congratulations on doing so well with your battle against such a destructive addiction.may your future be bright indeed.

Hey JustAnthony, thanks for the encouragement. Right back at ya & have a great 2013!