I just sold all my stocks and ended up short $1.94. I'd say I did pretty good considering you pay anywhere from $29.00 to $45.00 a transaction and I had a LOT of transactions.

But I made them on purpose, so no worries on my end. And ultimately I'd say I was about $400.00 up from what I put in.

I wanted to learn the ropes by experience (careful experience) and I think I've gotten really good at it. I plan to start investing as a retirement plan soon. But not yet. I need to save up before I start really investing long term, and I'm not there yet.

But here's what I've learned. No stock is 'safe'. What can go up can come down. It's all based on 'investor confidence' which itself is based on a myriad of things. That makes it gambling. The Stock Market is just a high brow casino - there's no way around that.

However, because of research, information and spreading your risk, it's a casino with FAR better odds and, in the long term, is actually a relatively good place to try to get your money working for you. You have to be committed and serious about it (as a gambling addict, I think I've got THAT down), but you CAN do better there than simply saving your money in the bank. Substantially better. And if you're in it for the long haul, you don't get the same addiction response that traditional gambling gives you. There's no 'high' or 'rush'. Any more than if you moved your money to a higher interest-paying bank account.

UNLESS.

There's such a thing as day trading. It's fast paced and dangerous and DEFINITELY will satisfy an addict. I didn't do that and never will, but many people do and it's crazy - you try to make as much money as you can in a day of trading. There's big money in it, but there's also huge losses. Mind blowing that people do it, but... to each their own. The important thing for me is that I've discovered that I CAN invest and not set off my addiction neurons. Believe me, I was wary and watchful and it didn't happen. That's a relief. I've also become more experienced with how the whole thing works and different strategies and plans that you can use. And NOW I get to take my money back. Rarely got to say THAT about Casinos. I'm really looking forward to beginning some time next year. Once my finances are on firmer footing and I've taken a chunk out of my debt, it's the next thing on my 'To Do' list.

I'll go slow and cautiously, but hopefully over the next 20 years I'll have a nest egg that will allow me to retire comfortably. Provided I stay on the straight and narrow. But here's the great thing about life these days. I AM on the straight and narrow and I've gotten to the point where I can believe that in the next 20 years I can do well. Hell, just believing in the next 20 years PERIOD, is more than I could do last year at this time, so I can't complain.

I like the idea of my becoming an 'Investor'. It sounds way cooler than I am. But in 20 years it'll help me to BE cooler than I am too - a dapper retiree - so it's all good.

If anyone's reading this and still fighting the gambling addiction, I hope you'll believe me when I say that I KNOW the stock market is a double edged sword and I'm considering it with my eyes wide open. I'm committed to fighting the fight and it's a fight worth fighting. Each day that I get to look at the future and enjoy the possibilities, is a gift, and I cherish that. I can't make predictions. God knows I could get hit by a bus tomorrow, but just being able to believe in a happy future, especially from a happy present, is AMAZING to me. It's something that fills me with awe and I wish that for everyone.

Believe also, that I'm not special. I don't 'deserve' to be 6 months gambling-free any more than anyone else does. I didn't 'earn' it more than anyone else either. I'm just average and THANKFULLY found a way through the maze. If I can do it, YOU can do it too. This is an exceptional event for me, but it's like the 200th attempt. I failed and failed and failed. But it only takes one success, doesn't it? Don't give up. YOUR success is just waiting for you. You can get there - I'm living proof.

But I shouldn't lecture. Instead I''ll let you worry about you, and I'll worry about me. Speaking of which, I've got one last task for today. My promise to myself...

Today I will not gamble. Never again.