Today is here! I am at 1 and 1/2 years free from gambling!

I'm not going to lie. I quadruple counted on both hands to make sure I got the count right (you know how bad I am at that). ... and I did!

The last couple of days I read through some of my older posts - weirdly that was some sort of treat for me. Well... mostly. I'd forgotten my posting when my Dad died and it choked me a little, but I have to admit, I took pride in reading my determination to walk on and NOT use his passing as an excuse. I'd like to think I honored him with that choice. I DO know he'd have wanted me to stick to the straight and true.

But I digress. The reason I read my older blog posts was to remember how I got here. It was by living in the moment each step of the way. I never realized how annoyingly positive I can be. I really don't see myself day by day as being that 'look on the bright side of life' kind of guy I saw as I was reading my posts. I hope that guy comes across in real life too. He's kinda cool, despite my joke about being annoying.

I didn't realize when I started blogging here that I was making a written history for myself. Yet now, what a gift it is to go back and read in my own words how I did it. Day after day (sporadically but consistently) I left a bread crumb for me to follow all the way to the me I am today. And you know what? I'm the same guy now as then. I'm not taller. I'm not wiser. I'm certainly not younger . The only difference is I escaped a prison. And I got myself INTO what I thought was the impossible dream - freedom from a brutal addiction.

Words fail me when I try to express my gratitude - absolutely fail me. 'Thank you' seems so small for what I feel. I KNOW how things could have turned out. Bad. How could I not, when I was so sure a year and half ago that THAT was how they WOULD turn out?

Yet here I am. Living in the good. Celebrating yet another milestone and truly believing there will be more.

I don't view it as quitting gambling anymore. I view it as jumping back into life. I see that I'm not leaving something but rather I'm looking forward - going toward something. Life. Living. Feeling. Being me again. NO. It's more than that. I'm not just being me. I'm not stuck anymore. I'm doing what we were put here to do. I'm growing again.

And it feels good.

I just wanted to share a great moment for me with all of you. To show you what is waiting for you too. Indescribable freedom. Joy. Peace. Life. And the knowledge that if any one of us can get here, then ALL of us can get here.

Hope to see you here soon! I'm proof nothing is impossible. I've no doubt you will be too.

Today I will not gamble. Never again.