1 Year and 4 months (or so) and I just had another urge.

But it's not my fault! Honest. I got mail. It was from an online Casino and it had a keychain with a QR code on it and a post card. It was the post card that caught my eye. It said, 'Now on your phone!' So now all you have to do to get to hell is point your smart phone at the key chain and it will take you there. Disgusting and evil.

I ordinarily just toss this stuff but I had to read it, because I thought '(insert expletive here) Will they never stop?! Lose your money using your cell phone now?! (Insert another expletive here)'

Anyway, As I was reading about the 'Bonus' offers, I actually felt that fog descend on me again. That indescribable feeling that pulls you out of reality and seductively into the addiction. It was crazy. It was scary. I felt like I could float right back into it.

And I mean, I actually felt it! Just by reading a card about gambling, I was hit with an urge. Mind blowing. And seriously, for a split second, it truly was tempting to 'give it a try'.

But JUST a split second. I've been on this road too long to fall into the gutter now, so I tossed the keychain into the garbage.

But I kept reading.

So maybe it WAS just a split second, but here I was, already in a new one, & I was kind of drinking it in, but then I caught myself and turned to the paper shredder (that was thankfully there - you BLESSED paper shredder!) and popped it in. I felt a bit of relief wash over me and the fog lifted. But now, later on, I'm not sure how I feel about what happened.

I don't mean about me. I'm okay, and it's over, and you know what? It wasn't my fault. But THAT'S what bothers me. How insidious is it that we are preyed upon this much and for so long? The other day I had to take transit and I couldn't believe the ads for our BC lottery and BC Casinos that were plastered literally EVERYWHERE.

How are we supposed to climb out of addiction when everyone who SHOULD be helping us, is actually advertising and promoting the addiction? And even when we fight the good fight, the Post Office delivers the temptation directly to us, too?

I understand the frustration at having our efforts sabotaged (and it's so much harder at the beginning) and why some folks give up. But I'm here to tell you, don't. Get angry! Get really angry at the ignorance and out and out disrespect these places show us and do what I do. Make it a victory for yourself by REFUSING to let them win. Let your anger power you up to fight them and do the one thing that they CAN'T control. Walk away from the temptation. Turn away from the lying advertisements and the heartless encouragement.

How? Just remember the chant.

Today I will not gamble. Never again.

And remember why. You deserve to be free. You deserve to be your own best friend. And you deserve a great life. If anyone deserves to be in hell, it's them, not us. Them. The Casinos, the lotteries, the corporations and the governments who put greed over our wellbeing. Screw 'em! Take care of yourself, because they won't - you're just a patsy to them, a patsy with money (but not for long...). And guess what? OUR determination can beat THEY'RE determination - every time. And I, for one, will be happy to prove it. I hope you will too.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I feel better now. Sometimes an angry rant makes my day. I win again addiction. I win again 'friendly' Casino offers. I win again you b&#%^*ds. I win again.

Why? Because I remembered the chant. (SOOOOO worth repeating)

Today I will not gamble. Never again.