"What a great day."

I've caught myself saying that a lot recently. In truth, I've had good moments and bad, each day, but over all I have to admit, they're great days. I am the luckiest sumbitch I know now that I'm not gambling. Now that I'm past the initial period of the battle, things are just easier. I'm calmer. I can actually concentrate on the mundane and FEEL normal. I have a money buffer and, while I'm still adjusting to that, I'm liking that I have choices again. Emergency? I can handle it without borrowing (within reason, of course).

I can watch TV and actually pay attention again. I'm IN conversations. I am curious what the weather is like. I'm invested in the mundane, day to day functions of a normal human being, just like I WAS a normal human being.

Mostly.

Occasionally I have an urge. They've been small, they've been large, and they're sporadic. But I'm so grateful that they're no longer every day - no longer part of my new 'normal'. Was it easy getting here? No. Was it worth it? Yes. Absolutely yes. Did it take forever? Not even close.

I like being fully engaged in my life again. I honestly didn't believe that would ever be a reality for me again, and yet here I am. Life is an amazing, unpredictable trip. I try to be prepared but at the end of the day, you just never know what is around the very next corner.

This is my Saturday and I'm thoroughly enjoying doing nothing. That's nothing, without urges, I might add, and it's spectacular. Doesn't always happen, but when it does, it feels like I'm being re-filled with strength for the battle. I wallow in it now, when it happens. Why not? Not every day is going to be great, just like when I was gambling. And not every day will be horrible, again, just like when I was gambling.

The difference? The balance of great vs horrible days. It's an about face, when you quit gambling for good. I don't control when and how my moods will be up or down, but by taking on the task of defeating this brutal addiction I have changed the balance of power in my life, allowing 'great' to get a hand hold.

Maybe that's enough for now. Maybe, but I intend to give it all the help I can. When a bad day comes, I'll endure. When a great day comes, I'll enjoy - fully. I don't ignore either type of day, but I give priority to 'great'. I know I'm not all powerful, but I also know now, that I'm not completely helpless. I have a stake in this fight and I intend to be committed to winning it to the end of my days.

I believe that every one of us has the right to say "What a great day", and have it be true, again and again and again. You like to play the odds? Quit gambling. The odds of your life improving dramatically are 100%. How's that for a 'can't lose' game?

Today I will not gamble. Never again.