I'm bisexual I hate it, but this attraction I have to men is just so strong I want to go back to the way things where but thinking that is possible is just giving me false hope I have a strong attraction to men I think I could honestly do things with men and I hate that to I just I REALLY WANT SOMEONE TO TALK TO bear with this I've seriously thought about souicide to alleviate myself from this depression can I just want help thank you to anyone who read this

I currently feel more attracted to women(or at least it's showing more mentally) it's nice I'm afraid of looking at pictures of men because when I do I start finding men more attractive, maybe things will get better aventaly maybe not who knows

I'm afraid to look up stuff because I'm afraid it's going to confirm what I think is true, like I get a form of reassurance not knowing anything about ocd , mianly because I find men attractive, I could probably suck cock and enjoy it (though I've never had the opportunity so who knows) and I wouldn't mind a guy sleeping in my bed, I hate masterbation to though I don't want to talk about it, and of coarse the last part is I kind of find it weird to look at women now. I want a guy thoughs it's hard being ok with it I think. One of the reasons (and I've said this before I think) I'm bumbed out is because I find woman kind of disgusting, like thinking of a woman kissing me used to give me a sense of warmth now it makes me feel kind of weird though it depends on how I'm feeling, sometimes it will feel more weird and other times it will feel more normal if that makes sense.

I was searching for cock photos in the internet because I wanted to I was I wish I didnt want to look up those photos


I feel like how I feel when I don't like something that's true, for instance:. I like evolutionary biology and there are a lot of things about humans that are a product of nature that's not to say nuture doesn't play a big role as well but there was a lot more about our biology than I expected, I fully accept that that's the case but I still get saddened and depressed when I go onto forums discussing evolution so I just ignore them. That is the same reason I avoid sexuality forums, I find men attractive sometimes I'll feel more straight and others I'll feel more gay which gives me anxiety and depression I don't tell myself "I hope I'm not this" I tell my self "I wish I wasn't this and that I could go back to normal". In the past these things would usually last a month at most, these days it's lasted three months (almost four) straight, when I check I check not only to see if I'm attracted to women but to see if my attraction to men has past. I guess the reason I'm depressed is because I'm afraid that I won't be able to go back to normal and because I'm going to remain this way forever, maybe that's true, maybe not, either way this is miserable, I don't want to find men attractive but I do and if I let go of my past as much as I don't want to maybe that will make things better. I still think it could be ocd it's just that it's changed forms to a new type of sexual ocd. I kind of want to kiss a guy I think I kind of want it though at the same time I don't. I've never drank before but I'm afraid that if I drink it's going to cause me to have sex with a guy. In one post I made snaga replied and said how when he was younger he he seemed it out because he wanted, how it didn't matter how much he didn't want to do it he still did it because he wanted it, I'm afraid of doing it because I'm fairly positive that I want it. If somebody where to tell me I'm gay tomorrow I'd get depressed sit there and probably cry though I'm not sure and I'm not sure if I'm not sure (mind f*ck I know) I get good and warm thoughts when thinking of a guy laying his head on my shoulder plus I get anxiety when I here a guy moan I have this feeling rush over me wich I used to only get with women l, and it all happened so suddenly (back when this all started) I'm not terrified of being gay I'm just anxious and depressed, like I've been promised something and it's been taken away from me if that makes sense. I remember a month ago I was on another ocd forum on another website and I got one lady who said it was ocd and everybody else who said it could be a sexual identity crisis she said "if you find men attractive than it's not ocd. I you never want to find men attractive and you find the idea revolting and disgusting than it's ocd" well I find men attractive and as I've shown in the above points I get the same feelingsni get when I see an attractive woman. When I feel more "straight" I still have this feeling of well the gay feelings are going to come back soon and I'm going to have to live my life finding men attractive so this still sucks. I don't want to find both attractive I only want to find one attractive (women) and at that I also want my attraction to women to be stronger than my attraction to men. I think my situation and the way I feel and the way I want the go forward sounds similar to another post I saw called "HOCD: wanting to be asexual" and other the experiencing no anxiety I feel exactly the some almost, I also kind of wonder how a person (I'm referring to the thread I referenced) can feel zero anxiety and still feel mentally exhausted it makes no sense. Anyway I want to go back to normal but I don't see how I can go from finding men extremely attractive, wanting to suck cock and finding and women somewhat disgusting to going back to normal it just doesn't seem possible...

[ Continued ]

Stress has become my natural state when I try to quell the stress it always just feels normal when I go into a sexuality forum I just get so Sade I don't think I have an attraction to men I know I do I just don't like it I wish my attraction to women was stronger than it than it is now I honestly wish I was asexual I sometimes get disgusted by women as well these days wish never ever happened during previous episodes but I'm also 17 so I guess I'm still going through puberty who the ###$ knows


I don't get the Ed on by anything because of my stress I wish I could go back to normal i remember my aunt telling me that when she first figured out she was gay it took her a few years to accept it because she wanted to be normal well I wish I could go back to normal but instead I'm not I want to just talk to someone but it will be just useless rambling sadly I don't know what I want