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Compulsions
It's so hard not to check I try so hard but my depression and anxiety manages to get the best of me I just don't know what to do, I mean men are so attractive it's like it came out of nowhere I feel this need to know that a sliver of my old self still exist within me ughhhh. And recently I don't know when this started but I've been feeling this want, to have sex with a guy I even get the urge to masterbate when I think of one occasionally, I can't figure out if this is paraphilia like, I need to stop worrying but I just can't imagine a world where I'll be comfortable finding men attractive or feeling these urges.
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