I feel better knowing I'm hesitant to do anything with a guy because at least I know that my feelings currently are ralagated to my thoughts and feelings. I think I could enjoy being with a man but I don't want to figure that out because than that means that this is real. Even if my hope is false I don't want to figure out whether it is or not because I'll feel terrible like I want be able to go back to how things were a year ago. Why'd it have to be me why couldn't it have been anyone else and why at such a young age, I wish I was older. I've found a few people who seem to have shifting sexualities and it baffles me how there so comfortable with it. Did they go through what I was going through for a shorter period of time? Or did they not go through this grieving process at all? I don't get it, I'd think that something as deeply ingrained as our sexuality would cause a great deal of stress and anxiety in people, yet when I read posts they seem almost just fine and there worry is there family or friends. Am I just worrying about my family and friends and I just don't realize it? See I'm autistic and I've read that autistic people have a harder time adapting to change so is it the fact that I'm terrible at accepting change of this magnatude I can't figure it out. I wish I could ask these people how they where able to accept it so easily or at least they come off as being comfortable with it, I don't know