I'm afraid to look up stuff because I'm afraid it's going to confirm what I think is true, like I get a form of reassurance not knowing anything about ocd , mianly because I find men attractive, I could probably suck cock and enjoy it (though I've never had the opportunity so who knows) and I wouldn't mind a guy sleeping in my bed, I hate masterbation to though I don't want to talk about it, and of coarse the last part is I kind of find it weird to look at women now. I want a guy thoughs it's hard being ok with it I think. One of the reasons (and I've said this before I think) I'm bumbed out is because I find woman kind of disgusting, like thinking of a woman kissing me used to give me a sense of warmth now it makes me feel kind of weird though it depends on how I'm feeling, sometimes it will feel more weird and other times it will feel more normal if that makes sense.