I feel so envious of people who are straight and bisexuals who have a preference towards the opposite gender. It makes me want to cry I want that back. It's not a good mindset to have but I view homosexuality as the enemy which I must never act on, I have a sense of security feeling like $#%^ that without it I don't know what I'd do

What is your biggest fear of being bisexual or gay? I mean, what terrible fate awaits you?

Being bisexual isn't as bad as (it sounds more miserable then being straight but I could live with it maybe) being gay, I could still like women but being exclusively gay, now that sounds terrible. I think that if I was drawn towards men from a young age it wouldn't be that big of a deal but I wasn't. There was a point in time where I couldn't imagine what it was like to find men attractive (I tried in the past I but I couldn't understand it) but now that I do it saddens me. These days I go between feeling more turned on towards men and more turned on towards women, of course the latter makes me happier.

What terrible fate awaits me, not being attracted to women, I'm less attracted to them now then I was a year ago, but it's being replaced slowly by an attraction to men. Prior to a year ago I would get scared over the idea that I'd be gay a d I would check to make sure nothing changed about me, these days however there's evidence that I've changed. I can live with it I'm just more miserable then I used to be

So I thought about earlier and I think I know why I'm scared. I'm afraid to let go of what I've already lost, I want it back and accepting that I've changed is hard, it makes me angry. I want it back but no amount of complaining and dissatisfaction with my current situation will bring it back. Being comfortable with my current predicament as it currently stands seems scary and foreign, that could change with time but it hasn't yet, I'm afraid to let go and just accept how I currently am. Though I know this now, it hasn't fully set in and I dread the day that it does. Of course that could change and I could become comfortable with myself but I'm not yet. I don't like my situation but there's absolutely nothing I can do short of moving on.

But, if you're drawn to men, isn't there a yearning and a hunger? And the idea of not being with a man feels you with despair?