I just want to blow it off like it's nothing but I can't, these feelings of mine are real and I hate them I just want to get ride of them. Even primarily hetero bisexuals make me jealous because that's not me, I hate it, I want it so badly even that's better than what I have. It's one thing to discover.that you like the same gender but it's another thing for your previous sexual desires to almost disappear. I don't want to do anything with men on an intellectual level but my body tells me otherwise and there almost the only thing that attract me. I understand that these feelings are self inflicted and that I am punishing.myself but the alternative is worse. I just hate how I feel. I dislike looking at women because it reminds.me of how I used to feel.

I guess the best thing to do is abstinence, but of course that won't cure my jealousy and my sense of loss. I know what I have to do to feel better but I don't want to do it and that's of course to accept.it and move on. I just feel some unwarranted anger towords LGBTQ people. I want to look them in the eye and say hah ###$ you I proved you wrong, but unfortunately there right.

I guess I'm homophobic, I had no idea that I was. I guess I'm sorry to them as well because I understand it's unwarranted, emotion can be a bitch