when you realize that the good times in life were just a bipolar illusion it knocks you back. my pdoc said new year new start the trouble is i never had the first start. they say a lot of the stabilization is the work you do yourself. they suggest groups and local charity's but for me thats no good. id have to put on a false smile,id hate it. the damage is done and a hour meeting at a group wont mend it.i have had so many people dump me or ignore me i dont want to trust any one i want to keep everyone at arms length.
i used to be 2 people a hyper one and a depressed one now im a nobody. the people who try to help by telling you to think positive and get out there dont have to suffer the hurt when it doesnt work. if you try to find someone to talk to about the real situation no one wants to know.im left in a world i dont like. the voice in my head says your passed help what are you trying to do. my thoughts are scrambled. ive got used to saying what people want to hear because they dont want to hear what i have to say. they talk from text books and really dont care its all an act.they dont know how to handle real problems. its just a job for them but its real life for me. what i thought was going to be help has turned out to be just a process with no answers. most places i have been to just try to pass you to another department as they say they dont deal with my problems. one last hyper trip seems like a good idea,at least i wont remember what i do.