now i know they have all ganged together and are doing things behind my back i belive to get me in trouble.i went to my clinic yesterday where i was due some blood tests. one of them i didnt need to have and i was going to refuse it as i didnt want it. i found out they had done it on the last blood tests without telling me and even thought they had done it they wernt going to tell me the result it only came out by accident because the doc read down the list allowed and i could see the look on his face when he said this one.they have never done any test without asking me and then they have always told me the results as soon as they were in.they were going to hide this one.i feel the psychiatrist is behind all this and is watching me for the police.i dont trust any of them now.they have all changed there attitudes it stands out a mile they now want to harm me.why is the psychiatrist still involved he passed me back to my gp a year ago but he never really went away.god knows what he will have told the police,it will all be wrong and lies.this is the guy that said he saw no mood problems in me whilsy i was under section despite the fact i flipped and absconded 3 times the last time i was in nad my mood flipped for 4 days when i refused all my meds and to eat and wouldnt get out of bed. then on discharge he changed his diagnoses to borderline personality dissorder which has mood changes a s a main criteria and this was only shortly after he said he couldnt see these so called mood changes in me. he just makes it up as he goes along hes a quack.he was very quick to pass me back to my gp as i questioned things he did and he didnt like that. some were stupid and some were angry i know but for christs sake i have mental health issues he just wants easy patients i belive because he doesnt know how to treat a real mental health problem. he even tried to get me moved to a secure unit as he hadnt got a clue how to treat me. it made me laugh that he kept saying he didnt see any mood swings when i was on the ward.he had me on heavy vallium moodstabilizers and sleeping pills so it was all i could do most of the time to just stay awake.i might just look after myself i really dont trust them one bit.i have sent an email to one doc i saw before i was sectioned to ask if theres a possibility i get psychotic episodes that they havnt seen. i wondered because i have times i have flipped and pushed them all away some times for weeks and quite a lot of the times i dont really remember what went on. because i refuse to see any of them untill ive come out of the phase they have never once seen me in the middle of one of these times.i used to put it down to just a mood flipp but as ive looked back theres been more to it than that and having read a bit about psychosis i think that these may be psychotic episodes.with whats going on in my life i need to find out but they dont seem interested so i may go to a private shrink for a better opinion.i know they dont just like giving out antipsychotics they are powerfull drugs but ive had low level ones before and to be hounest the way my life is right now id rather go back on them to see if they help as long as they put them at the right dose to work.ill accept the side effects even if it meens been a bit zombified thats better than how i am now.if they dont want to play ball or arnt interested then i give up. i have cyanide and i aint affraid of dying its life i cant cope with.