been on another forum for sometime.most people ignore me on there,some talk for a few minuets then talk round u. new guy appearead and after a few days started talking. made out he has mh problems and i chatted to him a few times. then it dawned on me.he comes on with almost beliveable problems but they dissapear after a while and he gets friendly. normally if i mention my tag people get edgey and change the subject or just talk around me. not him he was digging for info.he fell down a night or so ago when i asked him what psyc meds he was on.he said theyd just changed and wasnt sure what the new ones were,didnt know what his old ones were didnt know what hiv meds he was on. now everyone i know with psyc problems knows their meds as does anyone with hiv.my friend on the ward who had bad drug induced psychosis and was heavily medicated new his meds,u reliegh on them u dont forget. i told him i was leaving forum and going to another and he bugged me for info of where. whoever hes working for didnt pick a guy who knew enough. its the old trick of banging u in a cell with a con who will be ur best friend, help u,get u talking,then the next thing u know hes stood in the dock giving evidence against you. try harder next time.had a story his old meds were not good so changed.you know what ur on when itts like that he hadnt a clue.like my old boss said trust no one but urself. i know everyones got i tin for me im not that stupid but it will take a good person to get any truth out of me,im not sure i know.
didnt give up on the problem i was solving.sat one more night nad worked out what i had missed. theyve got the answer they needed but they wont believe it i knew that.they have things they want to tie into it but they cant see its from a different problem.so why after all this time do i know the answer i can see them thinking. cos i do,i know lots they will never know. they were strange people but not that strange in my world. the "professionals",the criminoligists ect have done their thing and their right,anyone below them is wrong. how the hell could they imagine their minds,they think they can but when u hear them its all rubbish anyone could say from the stuff out there. they are like critics,one man says a restaurant is crp and half the world believes him and jumps on the band wagon scared to be different. they want to be in his gang and belive they know too. i watched a police program on the telly a few nights ago about a serial killer and the police used a prof-filer to say who they were looking for,an expert and they went with it. they caught the guy eventually bu tit was nothing to do with the profile,the expert had got turned out it wasnt the first time. every single detail wrong. said he was single,nope he was married,said his job was xxxx,nope completely the opposite ect ect ect all wrong.i what i have noticed about these people is there like the psychics, when they realise their getting it wrong they subtley change track.you know the is there a jane in the room jane ,jane,jenny,june. just con men.they make me laugh.some u can see belive themselfs so much they get all gidddy when they talk about it,they get off on it just like a killer.anyway ive said enough before about those maggots feeding off nothing more than nextdoors dog could work out.
my gender feeling wont stay down but theres nothing i can do but try to bury them. i made the mistake of voicing them and then been made a fool of. i got no support,no counceling nothing,then the consultant wrote in a letter he shows no signs of this condition.bastard,he was the one who left me out to dry,he did it on purpose.what they see on the outside isnt whats looking out from the inside.broken.no point harping on about it nothing will happen.if i won the lottery then money would talk id be straight in and have the opp.buy a consultant a new car and hed soon see things ur way.anyway that wont happen. need to go to another plannet where they allow such things.maybe if i do enough ill get it as a reward i must be close. time to change track again,go back to an old way.wish i could remember it all. when i was young and working in the motor trade maffia it didnt pay to remember.they liked me cos they said wierd.i wasnt i was me .gay mechanics with a taste for drugs but didnt overdo it.sex was on tap along with meds.they said i could hold my own,my boss who iooked after said ur screwed in the head but a good mechanic and bad memory. didnt bother me what they got up to like it didnt bother me some one tried it on.they didnt try twice. one of the traders had a minder called 7 day. nice guy,naturally big and big hands. they called him 7 day cos if he had to deal with you it was seven days before u were able to speak again.and they with a sore throat.he used to be ok.used to laugh when he said u just dont care do u. it wasnt i dont car i just have a higher purpose in life thats above the maggots.the old bosses are all gone now.new world thinks it knows it all.my old boss had me to a nut doctor after an incident,he was friendly to the cause. he said allsorts i thought was rubbish but i did have some meds then for a while from him which calmed me down for quite a few months.i keep seeing these docs but waht they are trying to prove is beyound me. the only thing that gave me some peace was being sectioned and medicated. stopped thinking,stopped the noises,stopped the world happening.cant beat what drives u but a rest is good, after so many years it was like being young again.quiet for a while. it confuses me,i saw an old member of the team and id told him what had been going on. i dont know if he was joking or having a laugh but he said god has it taken until now for them to get u.they all used to joke about me i never understood if they were serious or not i just didnt see it. doesnt bother me i have nothing to be got for. no one matters they never did. they drove me to step above them. never stops,never will. can only dull it.there are no bad people just people who loose control.