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timeTime is moving on and its just dawned on me its december.i seem to loose relevance of time these days but i had a meeting with my social worker yesterday and she was asking what am i doing for christmas ect and it sort of sunk in oh crap it is the end of the year.things must move on now i dont have any choice,ive been allowed to have a slack time and in someways enjoy the events of the middle of the year with the police.never been arrested before it was all quite interesting,pointless but interesting.the time after they released me i was sort of looking forward to the next installment but it never came. i think they have gone off looking for a body, all i can say is good luck. you see my actions are justified by things way above their pay scale so they are fight ing a loosing battle trying to stop it,ive tried myself many times resorting to suicide but it just wont let me die.beging of the year i poured enough of a drug down my throat that was enough to kill a bull elephant,there should have been no way to survive it but all it did was make me unconcious for a couple days,it just wont let me die.ive even had the police turn up out of the blue mid suicide attempt and stopped me even though ive not called them.she said i had been better this year with none of the sillyness of last year threatening things.one thing ,never call me silly it makes me angry and you wont like the concequences of me been angry.another thing is i have never challeneged what i i said then.some facts are undedighable,i am hiv,its on record and i do or did go to saunas thats not a secret.they are trying to fill in the rest but to be hounest its a small part of the whole story and one watched over by a greater entity than them who will just have them running in circles for its own amusment.. its funny how you can tell someone a truth and they think they have higher intelligence to decide its not true because in their world it wouldnt happen, sorry i dont come from your world..all the psyc docs are like that.to me they arent real doctors they are more like a film critic. they decide they think x about a patient and the other juniors just tagg along to scared to challenge the master.for real why do we all follow a mans oppinion if he says a film is crap it because we dont want to be the one who challenges the master and have the roth of the majority.like i say to me the psyc docs are fun to play mind games with but not really doctors in any sense of the word.like with me why would a doctor give you a diagnosis that you have what they consider a resonably sever mental illness then discharge you from there care.its like a cancer doctor telling you you have terminal cancer then telling you to sod off as he cant cure you and hes really buisy.i strongly dissagree with his diagnosis i think he plucked it out of the air so he could get me out of his clinic i dont feel i have any mental health issues and i certanly wouldnt take anything that consultant says seriously hes a joke.must take him off the christmas card list PERMANENTLY.he tried to get me put in a secure unit but discovered how hard it is to stop me.naughty naughty mr consultant you arnt that good.he told me he would never have me back on his ward,ok no problem i know when im not wanted lol.infact the only way they would get me near any mental ward or unit now is seddated and handcuffed.ill take prison anytime but no way the joke of a mental unit they just arnt serious just full of docs playing guessing games and if you object then you get medicated more wheres the fun in that,better to be free to prowl than used as a guessing game for guys who couldnt become real doctors.thats a joke as well,they medicate you to death then make a diagnosis whilst your in la la land. they did it to me,i was well medicated all the time i was on the ward and the consultant made the astounding diagnosis that he saw no mood swings or psychosis that had be diagnosed before.no $#%^ sherlock,he was lucky he saw signs of life, my dad had visited me and said i could barely put a short sentance togetherand was like a zombie.biggest joke of all and its beyound me is on my release notes it states from him no sign of mood swings whilst on the ward and no signs of a mood dissorder.medication recomended MOOD STABILIZERS. i will state i do take the mood stabilizers as i think they help someting,dont know what but hey seem to do something.cant be a mood dissorder cos the great consultant says i havnt got one.to be fair to the idiot he did change his diagnoses to the borderline personality one which i think is a load of bollocks but that was way after i was released from the ward and technically that does include a mood dissorder.must have been one he forgot about lol.he and the other docs are just out to hurt me anyway they can i know that so i just keep out of their way but keep them on the radar to watch my back.i think they and the police have all backed off to see if i will hang myself thinking they have all gone away.strange thing if they have it doesnt bother me if they are here or not but hey when idiots work together then their bound to come up with a stupid plan,i just leave them to it. i must admit i needed a rest this year and it has new plans for the following months,they have been echoing in my head for weeks but i dont like them,like i have any choice.i have thought about moving and just dissapearing.might need the free space to start the new plans without the circus that surrounds me now
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