i had an experiment today. i have had doubts about my transgender thoughts so i went back to the sauna to see ho it felt.i decided to have a good night so i wasnt pre judging myself. i met a guy ive been with before and as we had sex i felt totally female,i wish the male bits would have dissapeared. i felt so strongly that my bits were missing. being penetrated as great but i longed for it in my vagina i dont have. i know that sex is a crude way to judge such a thing but its the feeling of wrong body. its such a close thing that true feelings come out.im having trouble when i look in the mirror. i want gender surgery,im 100%on that i wish i could have it tomorrow and feel that part of me is correct.with that done i can adjust to how i want to be, no one can denigh i am female in body. if it asnt for the chance of gender surgery i would get castrated tomorrow to reduce the male bits but they say its a bad thing if gender surgery is planned.its a very strange thing being in a place full of gay guys when your brain says female but the female sex drive says you can get sex with this body its better than nothing. it is still a problem that it just enforces how wrong the body is. its also a problem as id like to present more female but thats not as easy as it seems. my thoughts are if my body is female then presenting as female is going to be a lot easier.