i have decided to pull out of mental health treatment and not follow through with the gender issue. i dont have the confidence or the money and dont want to be isolated. im stopping the mood meds and the castration drug im on. they have made me tired,breathless if i do any pysical work and i dont sleep very well. its a cruel fact of life i have to go back to work and if im like that it would be hell.its ok trying to sort mental problems out but if i end up penyless in trying then wats the point. i used to manage before i had the hepatitus treatment but since then its been hell. its time to walk away from the meds(not my hiv meds) and start to think again. maybe i didnt do that well before but its better than i am now.im going stir crazy in the small village where i live there is nothing to do and i dont know anyone so i stay indoors and its getting to me. the only time i go out is to see one doctor or the other and no one visits and its been like this for coming up 3 months. the limited buses mean i cant go far as the last bus back to the village is quiet early.its a nice idea to relax and let the meds work but when you loose any remnants of a life doing that it becomes pointles,in fact it becomes counter productive. theres nothing to get out of bed for and when i do im tired and no drive. maybe living in la la land is wrong but its better than i feel now.