been an interesting time.swapped hiv meds and i dont like the new ones,have asked to go back on my old ones.they have given me insomnia and i generally feel crap.only started when i went over to the new one,lost my appetite and other things. actually the next conversation with the doc will be give me my old meds back i aint taking these. doesnt bother me if i dont have them,never has,but ill be dammed if im taking ones that make me feel worse. i totally expect the normal answer - well this isnt normal with these or not the meds its something else- when i told the old doc i had a bad throat when i had a std he bluntly said thats not a side effect of the infection. oh yeh for real so why is it listed on the nhs web page about the illness. they think ur thick.its why i changed clinics.cant do with the arrogant docs they hold no use to me. anyway soon time to see the new doc and see wat he/she is like.
been looking at ian brady`s goings on since he died. guy was interesting,bad in what he did as anything to do with harming kids is off limits. i refuse to get into the frenzy of describing him as they do.it became a media frenzy and they have used it whenever they have had a chance to boost sales. ok so in nomall world he was depraved but i was more interested in how his head worked.ive found people cant discus this subject as they cant understand his actions so usually just say he was evil and clam up. thats just them not being able to cope with hard subjects.i talked to one guy and said one thing u have to do to understand him is put the nastyness of what he did to one side and look at what he was thinking. all u get is how can u be so cold he murdered and raped kids. ok yes he did and thats not good but behind that is the man.i can be cold and some things dont bother me,$#%^ happens.perhaps i just dont give a dam anymore theres hundreds like them in the world. i was more interested in the missing kid keith.for 50 years theres been a hunt for his grave and so much crud and false information put out,partly by the papers to sensationalize the problem, that sifting out the facts was fun.the pictures from the time helped as well as some have them stood by or near the graves.there was no accurate map of the grave sites but it took a whole 2 days to work them out to within a few feet.evry one thinks there was some secret code and other stuff on where the grave is but once u have the info for the 3 found graves then u can see his thinking. maybe its my warped mind and i can think like him as far as how would i pick the sites.it was written that he planned everything carefully and how he used land marks/terrain to decide on sites. when u plot the graves,look at the terrain and work out wht he used to site them and look with his thinking in ur mind it jumps out at u,well it did for me.its not complicated he kept it simple in a hidden sort of way,he was devious like that.ive been on his brothers web site and posted my thoughts.one was shot down in flames and the other deleted. allen his brother then posted a post basically saying the location is far away from where it is. hes done it to protect the site but it was such an indication im close. he says they have a football pitch size area to search but i think it can be brought smaller than that. aint gona say any more till ive been again and had a look at my new info.my thoughts are besides been depraved as he liked kids he wasnt very good at his actions as he got caught in a short time.so his planning every thing meticulously wasnt as good as people think. the best crime is one no one knows has been done or isnt reconised as a crime.some of these serial killers just want to be caught they want the fame.their so called desires must go away as being caught stops then being able to carry on.i think its maybe like they tell me the borderline personality disorder can be like. i read a blog done by a woman about the sex side of it and like she said u want to be hurt and hurt,to feel hightened sensation above the last time,nothing is off limits. the trouble is as she said its never enough and when uve exausted one direction u have to find another to carry on. i wonder if these sex killers reach a plateau and the feelings fade off so they need another way.maybe this is in been caught and all that goes with that.odd way to go on as that route ends up with prison and an end to chances to act. a few like brady and fred west kept secrets of burials so they had controll and interest in them after they were nicked. brady was never gona give up keiths site it was his way to keep the spotlight on him. he will have got constant pleasure that he knew and they didnt. he wanted all the miss direction so they never found keiths body.it is said he walked close to the site to see if it was disturbed and then fained confussion to get otu of their. yup thats how id do it.
anyhow its given me a few days of fun. because of the terrain i can see why finding the exact place is hard but gona go look again now ive poss worked it out closer. actually a bit supprised in all this time no one has got closer. perhaps they just dont have the way to think right. annoying thing is untill they do find him i wont know if im correct.
was wierd on the moor i kept seeing shadows out the corner of my eyes and my tinitus went crazy. why is it every one has a go at me when its nothing to do with them. had a thought after. im on gps tagg and of course it will have shown me on the moor. officer is coming to see me this week anyway and i so expect to be asked what i was doing there. easy answer,buring a body and u wont find it.wana see the look on his face. just tell them ive put it the same place brady put keith so they will never find it. actually not a bad idea if i was that way out lol lol.