im trying to face up to a hard decision. i havnt worked as such since 2010 and i have to get back to work as the money is nearly gone and i dont want to be on benefits as where i live at the moment i couldnt afford it. with the current meds im on i have side effects like fatigue that would make it hard to hold a job down so im looking at stopping the 3 drugs the mental health doc put me on and put up with the mood swings and the other problems. im stuck between a rock and a hard place but i have to eat and pay bills and on benefits i just couldnt do that. there is a third option of just getting so blitzed on drugs i dont wake up. i keep thinking nothing else in life can go wrong but it does. i have no friends who care, i have to sort myself out and im tired. i cant concentrate for long theres too much to think about without answeres. i feel so alone im stopping caring about life,a ll the people i knew who i thought might help have not. imy moods drove most people away and when i contracted hep c on top of hiv it was like being a lepper. i had the treatment for the hep and cured it but the stigma sticks. it also makes you keep people at a distance incase you slip up and they find out. you get to hate yourself, you lie when people ask what the tablets are for and why you look ill. in some ways having treatment for the moods isnt good as it makes you ponder the hiv ect more. before when manic i wouldnt care and when down it didnt bother me. ive run out of drive other than to eat and pay the bills life holds nothing more for me. no money to do anything and no one to enjoy it with. ive always been different with bits of different mental problems but now i dont know who i am