apparently we are to see community mental health again this month.its to have an assesment to be considered to be put forward for external cbt type treatment as it got refused before. these are the people that wanted nothing to do with me and did everything in their pathetic power to try to hurt me. the lied hoping i would be delt with by the police and they wouldnt have to bother but that backfired on them. what became very interesting is last week a health care proffesional who i see and was involved for the last few years was just enquiring how my driving licience application was going and i told him they were iffy over the mental health diagnosis. then he hit me with it,he said well we all know that was a cop out diagnosis so mental health could dump you,you freaked out the consultant. so later this we will trot down to their place and see apparently 2 mental health workers.my gp said its just a formality to get put forward for treatment but i know what their intentions are,it will be the same as last time a reason to try to get in my head and then to say im too unstable again. i dont know if i can really be bothered with them they think they are cleaver but they dont know what they are playing with.the consultant was the same. my opinion of such guys is they only want to boost their own egoes and have self satisfaction they did something.they arnt proper doctors. when i was on the ward he tried to work me out,tried to get in my head first by being harsh and when that didnt work he tried to be nice but got nowhere.when i was there i just wouldnt play his game and that got to him he again doesnt know what hes trying to mess with. it is way beyound anything he can handle hence he eventually ran away. we got the diagnosis he gave as with that he saves face on actually failing and also its untreatable so he can say well your discharged we cant treat you anymore. more than one health care person has told me the same.
i dont understand mental healths problem.they seemed to think that i had some sortof problem with they way i act and what i say. i have no problem what so ever with it.to me theres not a problem what i do is justified and thats an end to it why all the wailing..the guys and the girls in the graveyard understand me,its the only place i get someone real to talk to.like weve said all souls at some point reach an end,someone has to collect them. my mark comes and visits me their when hes not buisy.he understaands me he doesnt judge he knows what hasto be done.its been quiet for nearly a year we have had to rest and think,work things out as other things have changed.not hard but have to get every thing right so work can go on unhindered. made me laugh with the police last year they seemed to think there was evidence on my computers and stuff. when your hounest and say what your looking for isnt there they still plod on and look. oh so distrusting lol.i mean when they turn up and arrest you for gbh,drag you down the station and then admit well actually we havnt got a person youve been grievous to how can you take it seriously.what did they expect,me to say oh i feel sorry for you let me tell you where some are.im not quite sure it works like that i think your supposed to find them first.tea was nice though,sausage and beans with coffee and had a nice sleep before interogation. i quite like the cells.no one to bother you,safe,can shut down and wait for head games.the cells are actually desinged to undermine you and not really let you sleep properly. they leave the light on,theres an aircon unit running constantly,the temp is just chilly enough but not cold,theres no way to tell time,the bed is basically a concrete slab with an inch thick mattress.all subitally intended to not let you rest.doesnt work with me,i used to sleep in a breakdown truck with the engine running to add a little heat and the hours we worked the time never mattered,.wonder if they know sleep deprivation is outlawed as an interogation method. i was a bit underwhelmed when it came time for interogation,all i said was no comment. couldnt quite see the point of it but at least they gave me a lift home at the end of it. as they say the sun always shines on the rightious,they cant beat you when what you do is justified and rightious. have you ever noticed in religion how god changes,you know budda,christ,alah ect but the devil always stays the same. lot to be said for a stable power.back to mental health, they really are just going to get int he way but my gp has set this up so i feel a bit obliged to attend. im so tempted to put the fear of hell into them and show them they upset me but are they worth it. i did say the only way id ever see a mental health person again was if i was unconcious. i thought i needed help but they just proved to me i am fine,i was right all along i always have been,if i wasnt someone would have done something by now and well im still the same and back to where i was before mr consultant had a go. you know hes not a bad chap just a usless psychiatrist.my hiv clinic have told me the same,im not the only patient hes dumped because its outside his limited skill.