things seem to have picked up well,i feel a lot better but a voice tells me to be careful theres something not right. i feel a bit out of it and the psyc has been too nice. every time ive trusted someone its ended up with me been had. i want my gender change so bad i have to believe that they are really working to help me. if they are leading me on then that will be it for me.i know if it turns out bad then i will loose the plot and nothing will rescue me. i dread depression creeping in so im trying to do anything that will occupy my mind rather than thinking about it. i still get thoughts of walking away from it all and becoming the old person i was and to hell with who it hurts,they all plot to get what they want and sod you. ive spent money on ebay i cant afford just to get a few things to do.i feel i should be getting back to work but i cant face a job interview.i still find my mind drifting and when talking to people i can suddenly forget what i was going to say.it suck trying to make sure your ok ,not going hyper or horrible. some days i get carried away with myself and loose reality for a time other days i drink lots of coffee to get hyper and feel good but that is not good.i so want to change my life but i just seem to drift back into the thinking i had before. i still hold suicidal thoughts but they are my last ditch action thoughts.