had enough of counselors. they spout a load of obvious things then expect that will make you skip and dance all the way home. you get 1/2 to 1 hour and that will change your life. they dont see the other 23 hours you spend alone and the next 24/7 until you see them again. then they ask how you have been.what they expect to hear is fabulous thet 1/2 hour talk worked like magic and im a new person,im going to do missionary work and give all my money to charity. the truth is your mood still rules your life. when you think your getting a little control of it it turns round and bites you.
im really tired of trying.feel like i have to just smile when i attend when all i want to do is go home.looking forward to a new day has dissapeared,i dread them instead. im just one of life's failures i dont know what im trying to achieve anymore. im sick of the happy do gooders who think them being positive will magically make you better when all you can think of is going to sleep permanently. all you want them to do is stop talking tripe and talk to you normally. they cant they are not allowed to. if you say anything like you want to jump off a bridge then tell every organisation they can think of,instead of finding out why. they only have 1/2 window to see you so cant get involved. i hate seeing them looking at their watches it makes you feel they are just passing time until they can kick you out.
how can you tell someone like that how your condition is killing you and the last thing you need is goal charts and group painting. i thought these places were serious places for help but you dont get proper counseling you get 1/2 hour of wasted time. no one wants to know people with mental health moods swings they want to deal with druggies and alcoholics as they are easier. im tired of seeking help that isnt there,the best i get is mood stabilizers and go home and see if it changes. no counseling as to why or how you feel, they just arnt interested. with my moods over the years you learn to lie both to get things when your manic and to cover up when your breaking out of depression. the bipolar can make you the most convincing person on the planet. there is an ols saying of dont con a con man. i can tell when im been lied to or conned but they think they are good at it. they forget what they have said which is one of the problems with liers. for all my bad faults one thing i can do is remember exactly what people say. the look on their faces when you confront them says it all,unless your very practiced at it your face shows the guilt. im supposed to trust these people, what a joke, they wonder why my interest in life is slipping away. the people you go to for help lie to you and fake interest as its just a job.my case worker never bothered,she never rang when she said she would and yet she reported back to the consultant on my ongoing state. she made it up.i complained a couple of weeks ago that i didnt know what she was supposed to do as if it was monitor my ongoing moods and state then how could she as i never herd from her. suddenly she is on the phone and wants to make an appointment for me to come in,oh what a suprize. its a joke,they dont care and only show a false interest if you kick up a stink. the last hope you can get help turns out to be a bunch of lairs and conmen. my brain is broken and theres nobody to help. when you come away from an appointment with them thinking nothing happened time after time it destroys your hope. knowing your mood can ruin anything youve done in a couple of days just drives you to not caring anymore.ive no friends who would listen,i just have to let it drive me down. people cant understand why you give in,they cant understand the hopelessness.they cant understand you live with it 24/7 and cant just snap out of it.i try to put a pleasant face on but inside ive died.attempted suicide for most is a cry for help. im done crying for help,there is none.