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cyclothymiaim going moody because i go moody. i cant trust my moods. a small thing yesterday threw me into a depressive and dangerous mood today. i know what i can be like and its that that gets me so down. when i see the mental health people i always make sure i have had some caffeine ,one to get some courage and two to look upbeat. im grateful for their help but if you show up with troubles they just give you the usual talk always limited to the allotted time of the appointment.unless you are suicidal which even then they say go home and relax.so i learnt that its easier to go in just below hyper and not wast time on things they cant do any thing about. i know there is no magic cure,i am on mood stabilizers but im sure they are not up to the therapeutic dose yet so im trying to hold it together without throwing a wobbler with mental health. im sure i never used to cycle this much but i know the condition can change. im getting more and more warped thinking this will never end. cant plan anything as it will always fail. doesnt matter how much you try the demon mood will have its way at some point. they ask why you get reckless and trying to explain its a loose loose situation.if your hyper then you rule the world.after you realize its the oh no not again time and the what the hell does it matter its ruining my life anyway so to hell with bothering feelings. these are not voluntary actions whatever people think.it can bring out frightening sides of personality that can become more and more common and can be a release from the hell of moods.then reality gets cloudy.
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