a few weeks ago i told what i thought was a friend i had hiv. ive known him years but like all the others he has now distanced himself from me.he still talks but its not like before. now i cant treat anyone as a friend. i was co infected with hep c but took the treatment which unfortunately made me look very ill.i found out then how many people wernt the friends i thought they were. now i have no trust in people,i dont care if they are hurting they can enjoy some of their own medicine. i became a leaper to them,a lot of people with hep c describe it as modern day leprosy. it drives you into your own separate world where you end up distancing yourself from people.when you have no one who understands and to talk to your mind goes strange. i thought at times it doesnt matter what i do what can happen thats worse than this.throw me in prison in solitary. people go on about freedom buti have the freedom to do very little with no money and im in virtual solitary. people are now told how hiv is controllable,which it is,and you have a normal life expectancy which you should. what they dont tell you is how fatigued it can make you.how the meds can hit your stomach out of the blue. they dont tell you how hiv is known to leach through into the brain and cause dementia and other bad things. you have to constantly watch what other meds you take to stop interactions. any chronic illness is like this. some mornings you just dont want another day.i have to start looking for a job soon and i dread it. i can either lie and say nothing,hoping nothing ever gives away the game or tell the truth and wait for the nice refusal.if you lie then you end up living a lie and lieing can become the way of life.i can trip into another person,forget reality and the truth.i spent hlf my life doing it and not realizing i was doing it.