i was put back on low level antipsychotics which seem to help but they give me jitters.i worry as my mood is all over the place with anger outbursts and then the opposite of spending money like its nothing.i dont know what to do all i can think of is putting the mood meds dose up but thats the docs decicion and i dont know if i can talk to him properly at the moment. im in a $#%^ place right now,im trying to hold on to reality but i cant work out whats what. the police have gone quiet which worries me they are like a wounded animal thats gone to ground and waiting to pouncne when disturbed.why they pick on me they had nothing,they never will they couldnt find their way out a paper bag.they hate me i know so i have to keep well away from them.they watch me all the time i see them allover.nobody talks to me anymore theyve got to everyone but it will take more than that to get me.perhaps i should have more meds or maybe less i could have been on them too long.how the hell do i know.why is everyone after me.ive got two wombles to watch out for me they watch for anyone sneeking up.things arnt going right seems everythngs not working.its a plane they want they turn people against u hoping ull crack but i learnt when nobody bothered about me when i was half dead all u need is ur head. they cant take that.the police have spies out ive seen them in the village. they use pensioners to watch me.why would an old woman suddenly decie im the person she ants to talk to then digs me for info.im ahead of them there.have to stay in to sty away from them but need to go out as have jobs i have to do.those 2 havnt been round for a few days hes playing games as m so close to his secret.just cant get the last bit to drop into place but been tired. why do the birds sitout in the rain they look so wet.if i could have my lorazipam back id be better but then theyd take my licience.i wont let them make me suffer like that.why do people die round me.only friend i had died.bad dreams bad thoughts.some deserve it some well dont matter.if the whole world died whoed bury the bodies.f u didnt bury them the police would have a go at u for not doing it and be on ur back.people look at me they can see something i can see it in their eyes.being alone ur the attention of every one,everyone who doesnt want toknow. i thought id found a nnew friend on a web chat room. a ex con a transvestite murderer with mh and drink probs.got on ok for a while but hes dissapeared now.no one left.