nemesis A righteous infliction of retribution manifested by an appropriate agent. Personified in this case by an unstopable entity.
when they are all ganging up on you and trying to corner you into trouble then you have to fight back. the doctors are all coniving together and they have coned the clinic into it as well. they even have the hiv social worker at it. she has started asking about strange things,things that dont have anything to do with my hiv.she went quiet for a while ,id ring and leave a message ask for a call back but nothing.but if i mention something to the hiv clinic like been arrested shes on the phone within days trying to try to pry information out of me even though it will be nothing to do with what she deals with.im sure they are working with police to inform on me.im wise to them all now they wont controll me.my advice to anyone is dont trust the psyc doctors or your gp further than you can throw them.my ex mental health consultant had it in for me and tried to wreck me. im wise to him and his doctor mates now. my gp told me thats the only mental health depot for the area and its that or nothing. apart from the fact they blew me out,too unstable to recieve treatment which is like saying your too ill to be seen by a doctor,i told him ill do without as the only way youd ever get me back in there is tranquilized and unconcious and i would walk out as soon as possible.the consultant told me last time i was on his psyc ward he would never have me back on the ward.he tried to get me moved to a secure unit while i was there and brought in criminal psycoligists to asses me. he cocked up though as it took a day or so for them to come in and by then i was doped up on vallium,sleeping pills and mood stabilizers. i must have been the most placid calm sweet cherub they had met.he didnt like the fact that they had no imeadiate reason to transfere me it really pissed him off.had they come 2 or 3 days before i had just been returned to ward having absconded whilst under section and brought back by police when they found me and i was a little bit of trouble hence why they hit me with larger dose of valium and stuff.i absconded again a few weeks later and when they caught me the police were intially going to take me to a secure unit but they were all full and the only alternative of the police station wasnt allowed as i was under medication and they wanted me tranqilized which wasnt deemed safe in a police station as there were no trained staff to monitor me.so they had to return me to his ward and boy was he mad.and boy was i medicated for quite a while.the mans a nutter. he only likes easy patients,the ones that are not trouble and are usually really dont warrent been in a psyc ward.the ward was full of them the ones you think theres nothing wrong with you other than been a bit misserable,if there telling you you have a mental illness then god help us.he thinks as hes a consultant people shouldnt question him but i stood up to him and he didnt like that.what else are you supposed to do when the man is out to get you. menesis is coming

nemisis is coming

i was explaining to a guy yesterday how life has been for me.its like fighting a battle.you engauge and stand your ground,slowly pushing forward at times but eventually been beaten back.you regroup pick up the pieces and bring up your reserves and have another go.this goes on until one day you realize theres no more reserves so you stand up and face the battle alone trying to stand your ground but failing to go forward. at some point you realize your surrounded and down to your last bullet.at this point it dawns on you you might as well sit down ,have a cigarett,smile at the world and use your last bullet to blow your brains out.
anyone got a cigarett

now i know they have all ganged together and are doing things behind my back i belive to get me in trouble.i went to my clinic yesterday where i was due some blood tests. one of them i didnt need to have and i was going to refuse it as i didnt want it. i found out they had done it on the last blood tests without telling me and even thought they had done it they wernt going to tell me the result it only came out by accident because the doc read down the list allowed and i could see the look on his face when he said this one.they have never done any test without asking me and then they have always told me the results as soon as they were in.they were going to hide this one.i feel the psychiatrist is behind all this and is watching me for the police.i dont trust any of them now.they have all changed there attitudes it stands out a mile they now want to harm me.why is the psychiatrist still involved he passed me back to my gp a year ago but he never really went away.god knows what he will have told the police,it will all be wrong and lies.this is the guy that said he saw no mood problems in me whilsy i was under section despite the fact i flipped and absconded 3 times the last time i was in nad my mood flipped for 4 days when i refused all my meds and to eat and wouldnt get out of bed. then on discharge he changed his diagnoses to borderline personality dissorder which has mood changes a s a main criteria and this was only shortly after he said he couldnt see these so called mood changes in me. he just makes it up as he goes along hes a quack.he was very quick to pass me back to my gp as i questioned things he did and he didnt like that. some were stupid and some were angry i know but for christs sake i have mental health issues he just wants easy patients i belive because he doesnt know how to treat a real mental health problem. he even tried to get me moved to a secure unit as he hadnt got a clue how to treat me. it made me laugh that he kept saying he didnt see any mood swings when i was on the ward.he had me on heavy vallium moodstabilizers and sleeping pills so it was all i could do most of the time to just stay awake.i might just look after myself i really dont trust them one bit.i have sent an email to one doc i saw before i was sectioned to ask if theres a possibility i get psychotic episodes that they havnt seen. i wondered because i have times i have flipped and pushed them all away some times for weeks and quite a lot of the times i dont really remember what went on. because i refuse to see any of them untill ive come out of the phase they have never once seen me in the middle of one of these times.i used to put it down to just a mood flipp but as ive looked back theres been more to it than that and having read a bit about psychosis i think that these may be psychotic episodes.with whats going on in my life i need to find out but they dont seem interested so i may go to a private shrink for a better opinion.i know they dont just like giving out antipsychotics they are powerfull drugs but ive had low level ones before and to be hounest the way my life is right now id rather go back on them to see if they help as long as they put them at the right dose to work.ill accept the side effects even if it meens been a bit zombified thats better than how i am now.if they dont want to play ball or arnt interested then i give up. i have cyanide and i aint affraid of dying its life i cant cope with.

somethings not right everyone seems to be keeping a big distance from me.im sure that psychiatrist has got it in for me and is working something up with every one.hes always disliked me and i could never get a straight answere out of him he was so ovasive.he lied to me the first time i met him and he knew id found out so he had it in for me.i hadnt seen him for some while after he passed me back to my gp,i think because it was getting obvious he had been having a go at me and wanted to distance himself.i had to see him a couple of months ago because he is the guy who can refere me to the guys the gp has been trying to get me in with for treatment.i really didnt want to see him but i was told if i didnt he was the only guy who could refere me and without seeing him there could be no referal.i wasnt in long with him and was on my best behaviour but wheni saw my gp again he said he hadnt made a referal and seemed to be making out he wasnt aware of the purpose of my visit regardless of the fact my gp had written before the appointment to explain the reason for seeing him.after i saw him my hiv nurses attitude towards be took a sudden change along with the gp they have both suddenly distanced themselfs from me.i rang the gp to talk to him and as he was buisy i requested a call back,never got a call.the drugs councellour i had been seeing quite happilly suddenly told me my last visit was the last and they were signing me out of their care.that came out the blue there was no talk in the previous meeting of it coming to an end.hes setting me up for something or trying to screw with my head again. hes devious and when hes given the chance he has a go at screwing my mind up.i have to watch my back with him.im sure he has everyone reporting to him i wouldnt be supprised if he had my phone tapped.you have to watch these people they can wait and then pounce when you think you are safely away from them.