I just want to get rid of my hormones I'm tired of fluctuating between straight gay straight gay. I was happy one way before but to be honest that's so foreign to me that I don't even want that anymore, I just don't want hormones sexuality is a curse upon myself I wish I was asexual I want to live my life without all this BS

Why am I such a coward, change has always been hard for me and I'm not the most open minded person but why, I'm so afraid. I want to not be afraid.

I just want to die so badly I've never wanted death more in my life death sounds so much better than this hell I'm going through the I don't even like women at all it just seems weird I really really want to die *mod edit* but I have my cats so maybe I should put them outside yeah that would be good for them I wish I was t young I wish I was a 70 year who don't have his life in front of him ###$ life

I think realizing that this wasn't ocd has been the most depressing thing having to let go of my old fantasies has as well. It's like I'm gonna have to live a new life sadly. I need help and yet I'm to afraid to get it.

Every website I go on dedicated to ocd talks about unwanted thoughts and how everyone has them, well unlike everyone else I don't just have thoughts anymore is used to be but not anymore now if feel attracted to men I don't just get the feelings associated with attraction I ligetmitly feel attracted when I masterbate I get this strong genuine urge to suck cock I also find women disgusting this doesn't sound like ocd I was diagnosed with OCD 3 years ago well three years ago everything was just limited to thoughts these days I ligetmitly have a desire for men that came out of nowhere the attraction is unwanted and the desire is unwanted because it came out of nowhere. I don't want to live like this I want to like women again but God intended on something else I guess.