Why am I such a coward why can't I adapt to change I want to want the gay side of me why can't I accept it. I think it's hard for me to come to terms with the fact that one of my OCD fears has come true I hate it

I NEED to accept.it but it's so hard

I know I post here a lot but I like venting it's nice ever since April these feelings and the attraction have gotten stronger and stronger it really sucks. My worst fear in all of this is that the feelings are going to exist for ever, I'm I seriously going to have to find men attractive all my life? That sounds terrible. Are things seriously going to be like this? Even when I don't feel as anxious I'd rather just not be ok with these feelings than like them though I try to like them I'd rather not. I have a vested interest in not being gay or bi. Now of course OCD isn't a sexuality issue but like I said before in other posts I do think that there is a problem with my sexuality as well.

this entire... Experience has been filled with both motivated reasoning and confirmation bias

I know what I like when I comes to both men and women the thing for me is that I hate it I'd rather be stressful and anxious than EVER in a million years be comfortable with my attraction to men I have a hatred for men and whatever God bostowed this upon me. being stressed out and anxious is a far better alternative to being ok with the slight attraction (it's more than slight but whatever) I have to men.

I can't relate to anybody who has ocd they all fear there going to act on there thoughts. My problem since coming onto psych forums hasn't been thoughts my catalyst for coming onto this site was an attraction to men I want to get rid of it I want to get ride of the impulses I'm also a coward I can't just act on it but when I see to guys getting it on it sends good feelings through my body. I never realized how obsessed I was with women any action I've ever done I've always had women on my mind and know I don't because there's this unwanted attraction to men that I have, it just makes me feel depressed sometimes I don't want to get out of bed. And when I'm less anxious the attractions are still there the impulses are still there I just don't think as much about them because I'm like "oh of course it's ocd it will pass".


Honestly my biggest fear is that this is both ocd and sexual identity In one or maybe my sexual identity disguised itself as ocd, I feel so burnt out. The prospect that I'm always going to be attracted to men is just depressing