I read an old post on the OCD forum:
https://www.psychforums.com/obsessive-compulsive/topic129375.html

I can find similarities between this guys comparison of denial and obsessive fears

I constantly think about it and it makes me anxious

I have an undeniable physical attraction to men

I have a history of attraction to women which is different from people who deny there sexual desires who have there desires from the time they start of sexual desire

Unlike the OCD fears I have hope that my current feelings will go away as opposed to fearing something that might happen but hasn't (in other words I want my current feelings to disappear)

I also have a like for penis which was completely different a year ago when it was disgusting and revolting

Unlike a bisexual who's desires exist simultaneously my like for women is almost none existent meanwhile my like for men is strong as much as I hate to say it.

What am I, some weird form of bisexual who's sexual desires take a 180 every few years? I don't get it

P.S. Also I don't know how to change text to a link I read that you can change it using BB code but it says it's turned off for the blogs. Is it just turned off for regular users?

I always check the unread posts section on the site everyday and it hasn't been this quiet at all. I think I saw one post this morning but that's it, there's usually a few post each day this is the quietists I've seen the site be.

I feel better knowing I'm hesitant to do anything with a guy because at least I know that my feelings currently are ralagated to my thoughts and feelings. I think I could enjoy being with a man but I don't want to figure that out because than that means that this is real. Even if my hope is false I don't want to figure out whether it is or not because I'll feel terrible like I want be able to go back to how things were a year ago. Why'd it have to be me why couldn't it have been anyone else and why at such a young age, I wish I was older. I've found a few people who seem to have shifting sexualities and it baffles me how there so comfortable with it. Did they go through what I was going through for a shorter period of time? Or did they not go through this grieving process at all? I don't get it, I'd think that something as deeply ingrained as our sexuality would cause a great deal of stress and anxiety in people, yet when I read posts they seem almost just fine and there worry is there family or friends. Am I just worrying about my family and friends and I just don't realize it? See I'm autistic and I've read that autistic people have a harder time adapting to change so is it the fact that I'm terrible at accepting change of this magnatude I can't figure it out. I wish I could ask these people how they where able to accept it so easily or at least they come off as being comfortable with it, I don't know

I've been reading some post here and there on other websites and I guess sexuality might be able to change, it sounds so terrible. I just want stability in my life. I just want one thing and I want to generally follow it but with sexuality it seems that it's not like that I'm doomed to be gay and I'm only ever going to like men, man I swear the stress I get from this has probably been making me lose time off my life but I dread the day that the stress becomes to much and I stop caring and might actually start pursuing a relationship with a guy.

The title pretty much somes up my one major problem,. I don't want help, I mean I do want help but I don't want to go down the path that will help me. My therapist told me during our last session that it hurts that I can accept other people for being of another sexuality but I can't accept myself for being not straight. The biggest thing is that I feel alone, I also have a conflict of interest on one hand I want to find a male who's sexually fluid and on another I don't want to because that would mean that this is all real. Though I guess it's not the end of the world if it's real I've gone from likeing women exclusively to almost likeing men exclusively so who's to say in 8 years time that might change it could even change sooner or not at all which saddens me. But than that's the problem I have a bias against myself being gay and I shouldn't,. But I'm afraid of what will happen If I stop caring, so I'm afraid of the unknown. I guess I do feel a lot of shame in not being ok with being not straight sadly. This post is making me sad I think my parents are gonna have a big fight soon so I have the animals in the room, ugh can't wait