I completely missed my update on my last therapy session, as anyone who actually follows my blog might see, but a maternal aunt in my family has passed away recently. We’ve been having bad snowy conditions here in Oregon recently and she died in a car wreck. I really don’t mean to make this tragedy about me, which is why I’ve been holding back from posting about it… But I didn’t cry for my aunt at all. What, in my mind, constitutes as actual grief, I did not feel for her at all. Even though I was fairly close with this aunt. Yet, I reacted to her death the exact same way I reacted to my dad’s death. My dad who molested me for 20 years. I hate that I post about this. But what does this say about me? Have I become a person who is incapable of feeling basic human emotions? Am I not human? But at the same time. I positively hate that I’m making this about myself, yet I can’t stop. This has opened up a new bottle of emotions I can’t even begin to fathom right now. I’m just unhinged with my venting right now, so maybe I’ll make better sense of this later, but right now, I can only write how I feel. And I wish I was feeling more than I am.

Well. Different folks are wired different ways. This might, or might not, have to do with your abuse. My reaction to death has varied wildly from not much reaction to what I think you have in mind as 'grief'. My tears have mostly been reserved for pets, to be honest.

You were close, but still, an aunt- extended family. I'm not sure you can judge yourself too accurately- or harshly- based on this.