I haven't talked much about the times I can remember before the age of 7-8 when my dad started molesting me more openly and frequently until he eventually went all out with it. But I know he had to have doing stuff to me in my sleep before then. Here's what I can remember from my earliest years. This is going to be another graphic one so, keep note of the trigger warning.

My earliest memory is from when I was 4 years old. I woke up to my dad lifting up my shirt and kissing my bare stomach. I woke up giggling because his facial hair was tickling me and he kept going "Shh!" Even after I woke up, he continued kissing my stomach and when I kept giggling, he would keep shushing me, probably afraid I would wake up my mom. He said some other things to me too, but I can't remember what he said. I can't even remember how it stopped, if he told me not to tell mom or anything. I just remember bits and pieces.

Another notable memory I have is when I was 6. I had woken to him hovering over me while I was in bed. The light outside my bedroom was on so I could see his face clearly enough. He appeared very startled that I had woken up, both with his body movement and his expression. It was like he wasn't expecting me to wake up. I've always been a heavy sleeper, so maybe that's why. I don't know if he had been doing things to me in my sleep or that was him about to and I happened to wake up, but I'm sure his intentions weren't good. I remember just being confused by his reaction to noticing I was awake, didn't think anything was wrong. He said something like he was just checking on me and then he left.

But from ages 5 to 7, I would occasionally wake up with either my bottoms pulled down or my shirt raised up. During some of those times, I would also wake up feeling like I had to pee real bad. Obviously, my dad was doing stuff to me down there in my sleep. Of course, I wouldn't figure any of it out until years later. I'm not kidding when I say I'm a heavy sleeper. When I was older and my dad would molest me in the middle of the night, sometimes I would sleep through the majority of it and wake up either nearing an orgasm or in the middle of one. I'm certain he was molesting me in my sleep back then as well and I just slept through it.

When I was 7 was when he started touching me more openly when we would be sitting in the living room watching television when my mom wasn't around. He'd either rub my legs or massage my privates with his hands through my bottoms. I always thought that was weird and it felt weird. It didn't hurt nor did it feel pleasant, it just felt weird to me at the time. Sometimes he would kiss my legs and thighs and also lift my shirt to kiss my stomach. This I didn't find weird at all and saw it as him just being affectionate at the time. I know it's him molesting me now, but for some reason, I found him touching me down there odd but not him kissing me anywhere.

My dad would either give a lot of attention to my thighs or my stomach. I remember him lingering at my thighs for quite some time while I would just site and watch TV like it was nothing. I have one fragmented memory of when I was 7 or 8 of me standing in front him seated on the couch lifting my shirt for him watching him with his mouth on my stomach. I don't remember how exactly I ended up standing with my shirt raised in front him or what I thought of what he was doing at the time. My dad would occasionally pay attention to those two areas of my body after he started doing oral on me regularly, but not nearly as much as he would before. I think that was his way of being on the verge of wanting to go down on me while holding back from actually doing so.

One day when I was 8, he eventually did go from his mere touching and kissing to finally performing oral sex on me and the rest is history. Sometimes I say that first time when I was 8 the moment my molestation started, but as you've read now, it really was for the first 20 years of my life. That memory I have waking up when I was 4 is only the first instance I can remember. For all I know, he had been doing it even sooner. While these earlier memories don't affect me nearly as much as when my dad started performing oral sex on me, they're another part of my history of when he was molesting me.

Well I suppose I'm bit of a cynical old fart. Sounds as if he was banking on the ability of small children to go out like a light- I mean very young children can fall asleep and be carried to bed undressed and tucked in and never wake up. Sure wish I slept like that now.

Then after it became apparent, again, the cynic in me is guessing he then had to slowly acclimate you to having it done to you when awake. Slowly working back up to the act itself.

Sorry you had to live with that. Little girls are supposed to live their lives idolising their dad. Not this.

Perhaps. Sometimes I think he wanted to start going down on me much sooner but was too scared of my reaction to. Then one day, he decided to take his chances and finally did it. Who knows? He was no doubt satisfied with the outcome of that since I ended up being too, unfortunately. But that just is what it is.