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Chels's blog
Since joining this site, I've been unearthing trauma that's been buried my whole life. I've finally told my story, but some thoughts and memories still come up that I want to vent out but don't want to spam this site doing so through posts. Thank goodness for the blog feature here where I can put all of these vents of mine.

In the unlikely event that anyone reads these, thanks in advance for taking the time to do so.
Chels91
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Pleasant start to 2023

Permanent Linkby Chels91 on Tue Jan 03, 2023 10:03 pm

I'm a little late with this, but better late than never.

I don't usually celebrate New Years, but I ended up having boyfriendish over, who brought a bottle of wine for the occasion. I don't usually drink either, but I figured why not? We had fun with it and both of us ended up getting drunk. I don't even remember the last time I drank so much, but I learned I'm much more laid back when I drink. Something boyfriendish pointed out himself. I don't usually show much of any emotion, but I was very at ease for the first time in forever that night. I even laughed out loud a couple times. Sounds pretty sad typing that now, that that's something remarkable for me... Even more so that I have to drink to display such basic emotions. But I'm probably overthinking again.

Anyway, we both had a fun night. We just watched movies and chatted, like always. Still nothing further than us being very close friends. Though his hand were fixated on playing with my navel ring a lot more than usual this time. I half expected him to finally make a move for my chest or below my waist, but he didn't. When we eventually called it a night, he wouldn't even sleep in the same bed as me because he said I was drunk and it wasn't right. He has some incredible self-control since I know he's still attracted to me and we've been intimate before when we were dating. But this just shows what a gentleman he is and how he's complacent with not overstepping boundaries in our current relationship.

I'm thankful to have had at least one night where I can say I had a wonderful time, especially with me getting back to focusing on recovering from my trauma. I'm thankful to have boyfriendish in my life and how he's willing to settle for being close friends despite having every opportunity to take things further. It's tempting to have even more nights like that with him, with the weather improving and gas prices getting lower, making it more practical for him and I to travel and see each other often once more. But, I mustn't. I'll just be relying on him too much to keep me distracted again, making things worse for my mental well-being in the long run.

With that, I'll just keep this quote in mind: "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

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