Just thinking of all that I’m letting my ex get away with when it comes to him putting his hands on me. I suppose I’m lucky in a way that he’s been completely respectful of boundaries and only touching me in the places I grant him permission to. But honestly, if he ever decided to get daring and step out of those boundaries, I’m not so sure I would object, short him cupping a feel of my breasts and nether regions. But he used to put his hands on other personal places like running his fingers through my hair, massaging my shoulders, playing my navel piercing or feeling my legs. As odd as those quirks of his might’ve been, I actually kind of miss them. If he were to try doing them again, I’d likely enjoy them as much as ever because I guess I just love him touching me that much. But not so much that I would let him touch me in my most personal areas. I don’t ever see him asking permission to do any of those things out of fear of rejection (perhaps he may think it out of line to even ask) and he probably wouldn’t ask anyway because that’s how much of a nice guy he is. And I don’t want to offer up him doing those things to me again because how will that look after all I’ve said about wanting to keep things platonic? I almost want to say I’m hoping he does push his luck with doing those things again. But even so, should I allow it? Would that be treading into romantic territory and stir up drama I positively do not want? Maybe I should count my blessings that I’m able to have this unlikely close relationship between exes in the first place.

Well I'm not ascribing any ulterior motives to his touches because I'm not. I rather suspect a lot of times us folks with a Y chromosome do things on autopilot without conscious thought- although there are plenty of men who will play a long game to get what they want, I'm sure. I mean though little things a guy doesn't even realise he's doing. I've found myself talking to boobs on more than one occasion, without even meaning to or even aware I'm doing it at first.

And I am unfortunately rather confident that if I get dementia I'll be one of the old farts in the nursing home who the aides have to watch his hands. Considering I'm Bi, a part of me wonders rather idly with detached curiosity if that will also extend to male aides. I would say it'll be interesting to find out, but if I have dementia I won't be firing on enough cylinders to analyze my behavior, will I? Oh well.

But I digress- the point is that I have noticed I have to be conscious of my hands. If I were your ex and we had the same things going on that right now you and your ex is experiencing, and we were standing close together my arm around you... eventually I'm not going to be paying attention and my hand's going to be on your ass and probably enjoying its time there, and quite unconsciously on my part, I might add. I could probably catch myself before boobie feels or between your legs, but well, rear ends are something else entirely. Not the first time my hand has wandered down to a backside without me even realising it. Thankfully it was seen as funny rather than something rating a strong response.

The more physically familiar he is with you, I'd say based on just me, the more likely those hands are going to get ideas- and they can be completely separated from his brain. It's just what hands do....

edited to add that my hands will do that even if I have zero interest in sex with her, at least consciously, unless we're going to get all Freudian. And that's precisely what defused the time my hands were caught doing that. And now I try to remember to tell my hands to stay away from rears or well legs too now that I think about it. Anyway, it's all too easy for a fellow's hands to get a-roamin' and I figure eventually his hands will make you raise an eyebrow. Just remember his brain might not even be consciously engaged.

Thank you for your perspective. You could very well be right. Should it come to that, hopefully a simple reminder for him to be careful will be all it will take. I forgot to mention that some of those things he used to do would also get him aroused sometimes, so there’s also that to consider. Even if he controls himself, I’d hate to give him blue balls if I haven’t already.

LOL I've always heard 'blue balls' is a myth. I don't even know what that's supposed to mean. Okay I looked it up and so supposedly maybe if you have a boner too long- sorry, I mean an erection... then eventually your testicles will ache. Meh. In my more virile days, I would have extended 'me' time, shall we say... which included edging just this side of orgasm for extended periods of time, and I don't recall ever being under undue discomfort. According to what I read, it's not even agreed on by the medical establishment whether blue balls is a thing or not. Certainly, I'd never accept that as a 'I have to have sex' excuse. Meh. Although.. if he gets hard enough for long enough while enjoying your close proximity, that in and of itself is going to be a mite uncomfortable, especially if he wears anything other than boxers (or commando). I never much liked having an erection that wasn't allowed to stretch its leg, so to speak. But again, the solution to that is easy: pull your hands back and think about something else for a while....

Le sigh. I will admit that being a bit of a masochist (I miss the BDSM subforum), I rather enjoyed seeing how long I could push myself- perhaps I'm different in that regard. I still pooh-pooh blue balls, though. I wouldn't feel too guilty, if I were you on that particular thing. Although I do think you're both flirting with... something. An errant touch, or the temptation to see how far you both can push things without having overtly sexual acts? You really enjoy being touched. He really enjoys touching. Even if he is technically content with things as is, I feel as if eventually he'll get frustrated? I mean, assuming he's a red blooded, virile, male. Heck even an old fart like me might find it harder to hold back, after a while. Enjoy it while it lasts, but I do not think this arrangement is indefinitely sustainable.

I mainly meant that blue balls thing as a figure of speech - him getting sexually frustrated. I had no idea it was considered an actual thing. You learn something new every day. And you’re right on things getting awkward if he sprouts an erection. I see that happening particularly with him rubbing my shoulders. He had a thing for my shoulders for some reason. I guess we’ll just see what happens. I hate that I always have to say that, but it’s about the only thing I can say.

Oh, well shoulders... can't blame him for that. There is something about a nice set of shoulders.

https://images2.imgbox.com/28/51/uZYH5j1x_o.jpg

Edited to add that I totally borked the blog previews page with having that as a BBcode image so changed it to the link only

So there is! I had never heard of that, nor did I find my shoulders to be a particularly noteworthy area of my body until my ex started paying attention to them. But to each, their own. And now here I am wishing he’d do it again. For different reasons than his, of course.

Are they really that different?

You don't care for overt acts of sex, but you do seem to very much enjoy physical intimacy that doesn't involve naughty bits... surely it's a matter of degree.

I think the lack of sexual arousal makes a big difference, but I suppose it depends on how you look at it.

It IS a large difference- but you do enjoy physicality. Which isn't unheard of among folks who profess asexuality. Touch and companionship are still powerful needs, by themselves.