I was going to make this a multi-entry thing, documenting piece by piece how I was feeling throughout October last year, since that whole month was when my trauma started weighing down on me. But since I'm already at the end of the end of this month, I may as well put it all to one simplified entry.

After my dad died in late September last year, all the memories I had of him slowly start creeping back into my head. What I would maybe rarely give a passing thought to before forgetting about it again, I suddenly could no longer just suppress it. All the times my dad molested me, all the shame I felt during that time, all the self-loathing and feeling like I was dead inside... It all came right back to me.

I didn't know what to do, as I felt like I wasn't even close to being ready to address my trauma. Just the thought of seeking counseling terrified me. For weeks, I just did nothing. Guess I was foolishly hoping the memories would just go away on their own again like they did before. But they didn't. It just got worse and worse until I could bear it no longer and started looking for ways to vent my experiences, which eventually led me here.

It's hard to believe it's already going to be a whole year since I first opened up about my trauma. I've certainly come a long way. I feel like a different person than from I was a year ago. It's hard to believe I was so overwhelmed by my past and scared of confronting it, but now look how much I've opened about it. I guess now I know what the old saying "the truth shall set you free" really means. There's still a lot more to tell and now that I no longer have my distraction, I'll get around to telling it soon.