I had a long talk with her over the weekend, as I had planned. I was able to talk some sense into her about getting some actual help and not turning to drinking like she’s been. I might’ve been a little short with her than I would have normally been, but that was a result of my mounting frustrations. It took a bit of arm pulling to get her to agree, but at least she did.

I also ended up disclosing some of the details of how my dad molested me, also as I had planned. That was pretty hard to do, only because she’s my mom. I just went ahead and used blunt language of the act he always performed on me like I always. No point in sugar-coating it using big words, especially with my mom. She handled it better than I thought she would. I’m sure it was still harrowing for her to hear, but I think she’s also had time to mentally prepare for the worst details.

She asked me a few questions, like if he ever raped me. She seemed relieved to hear that he didn’t (not in the usual sense, of course) but also distraught when I told him he tried to one time. I too asked something I’ve been meaning to for a long time, but hadn’t because I didn’t want her to take it as me blaming her for not knowing: if she ever suspected anything untoward about him with me. She said she really had no idea. I tried telling her I don’t hold anything against her for that, but I can tell she still blames herself.

Hopefully now, we can get that all taken care of in therapy from here on. I hope to have gotten all the harder-to-hear details out of the way so she can hopefully be prepared as can be when I’m disclosing them more in therapy. I’ll be sure to post an entry tomorrow on how it went.

I for one, am very interested in hearing how it goes, with your mom there.