I have difficulty remembering any genuinely happy memories with my dad. Obviously, whatever there were are overshadowed by him constantly molesting me for so many years, but I've realized there can't really be much anyway because we weren't close. I might have felt closer to him in my late child and early adolescent years because I regrettably enjoyed being molested during that period, but take that out of the equation and that's really all there was. During periods where he wouldn't molest me, namely the years I was 16 and 19, I can't recall many interactions between us where I can say is a noteworthy good memory about him. Come to think of it, it seemed like he actually avoided me whenever he wouldn't molest me! I just now realized that as I'm typing this and may have to make another entry where I elaborate on it. That just might make sense of a lot of things and show how he only ever saw me as an object and wanted nothing to do with me when he wasn't buried between my legs. I'll make an entry on it when I'm more level-headed though. If you couldn't tell, that actually pissed me off a little.