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Overcoming without closure
I’ve talked about this before, but I feel I may never be able to overcome my trauma without being able to actually confront my dad. Like the only way I could ever get any closure would be if I did so. That’s not possible now that he’s dead and so, I feel this is forever going to be an unfinished section on my road to recovery. Even though I still have no idea what I would say to him once it came down to it. Though I’m not so sure if it’s me not knowing what to say or just me having so much to say, I wouldn’t know where to start. Not that there’s any point in dwelling on it, but it’s frustrating. I want to because of the reasons I just mentioned. But at the same time, why bother? Basically, I feel like I’m never going to get any proper closure and there’s just nothing I can do about that. It’s enough to make me irrational and think even more pointless things like “Why couldn’t he have just been a normal dad?” And other things to that effect. I suppose I can only hope I’ll realize someday I never needed to confront him and will be able to put it behind me. Until then, it’s all part of the trauma my dad left me with.
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