Some days, I'll have something in my mind to make an entry about, but once I get down to it, I lose motivation for some reason. Just yesterday, I was talking about making an entry on how my dad might've been reluctant with molesting me at first, given some things I can recall. I was all ready to type it up, only to lose motivation. I'm not sure why that is. I don't feel triggered thinking about it or anything like that. But maybe it's just my mind's way of telling me I'm not ready to open about that just yet, for whatever reason. Strange if that's the case, considering I've opened about quite a bit from struggles with my personal life to graphic accounts of when I was molested. I have no idea why I struggle with writing sometimes. I've been feeling it off and on for a while and I usually overcome it. I'll just get around to it when my mind feels like it, I guess.

If it were me, I'd think it was because I was still too angry to allow him the courtesy of that much humanity...

That’s a good way of looking at it and could very well be the case and I just don’t know it yet. But I’ll write about it anyway. Not to humanize the monster my dad was, but just to gel me cope with what happened. To make sense of certain things, if you will.