I was just looking over my last blog entries and I noticed I’ve talked a lot more about when I was being molested by my dad during my child and preteen years than I do when I was 15 when it became a daily occurrence for me. There’s a few reasons for that. One being my child and preteen ages were when I was enjoying the molestation and that comes with a lot of shame on my part, which still gets to me. Talking about that particular time frame helps me vent it out. That and when I was 15, that was an extremely dark period for me. I had stopped enjoying it, but felt there was nothing I could do stop it so I just resigned myself to it while despising myself for being too weak and convincing myself I deserved it anyway. That’s just an idea of how dark it was. That particular thing is difficult for me to convey into words. Another reason is for the things my dad started doing to me by then. I’ve gotten pretty graphic with my stories but talking about what exactly happened during those times I was 15 I feel would just be TOO graphic. I couldn’t even talk about it during therapy without feeling dirty in the sense I was describing smut. I may get around to talking more about it on here but I’d have to figure out a way to do so in a way that’s easier for me. Both in talking about the really depressing thoughts and feelings I had at that time, as well as the disgusting things my dad would do to me.