In today’s session, my therapist was pressing me about my dad and how he got off on molesting me. Not really pressing like an interrogation or anything like that, but it seemed like she was trying to see whether or not I might remember anything else he might’ve done. We mainly talked about how my dad only ever did things to me and never me to him. Before age 14, I have no memory of my dad masturbating himself before or even appearing aroused. When giving me oral sex, he was always very calm and collected about it for the first several years. If he was aroused, he did a great job of not showing it. It wasn’t until I was 14 when he started looking at me differently and getting visibly aroused while doing it to where he started masturbating. Perhaps it could very well have been all about giving me pleasure at first but then once I reached a certain age and started growing more into a woman, that’s when it became about pleasuring himself too. I’ve pondered this as well before, but never really paid it a whole lot of thought. Sure seems like that’s the case. I have no memory of him ever having me do stuff to him. No having me touch him or ever returning the favor with oral. When I was 15, he’d have me do all those things I mentioned in that post recounting everything that happened at that age, but those were the only other things I remember him doing other than oral sex. But I will concede that I may have some repressed memories I don’t know about yet and my therapist just wasn’t able to unearth them. Maybe we’ll find out next time because it didn’t seem like she was done talking about this yet.