What an absolute cluster these past few days have been. Might as well take it from the top…

My mother caught wind that I’ve been in therapy these last several weeks. She assumed it was because I was distraught over my father passing away. I tried telling her not to worry about it but then she started talking “Oh, it’s affected everybody. You can talk to me about it.” She also mentioned how I’ve seemed so emotionless over it, that I must be in shock and just would not stop! I lost my cool and outright told her I wasn’t going because I was upset over him dying, but because he molested me for 20 years.

Her response was that of genuine shock. She only made me repress myself once when she first asked “What,” to that. I must’ve said it with enough conviction that she knew I was telling the truth. When she remained silent in shock, I further explained that I had suppressed everything that had happened for years up until he died, after which everything started coming back to me and that’s why I was only addressing it now.

It looked like she didn’t know whether to cry or be angry. I won’t go into full detail into all that was discussed, but as I had figured, she really had absolutely no clue over what was happening. But also as I feared, she attached a lot of blame to herself. I didn’t comfort her. I feel a bit at a loss over whether or not my mom should have known, something I plan to take up with my therapist tomorrow. Anyway, I didn’t disclose what he did to me much at all. She asked about the details, but I told her it didn’t matter. I’m not so sure if she needs to know. That’s something else I’ll discuss with my therapist.

I only mentioned the earliest I remember it happening, how often it had happened at certain points and the last time it happened when I was 20. My mom did eventually break down and cry to me. She apologized profusely for not knowing and wished I had told her. The way she said it bothered me, like it was in a way of lacking empathy on why I didn’t, so I reprimanded her on that. I couldn’t shed any tears during this discussion. I started off angry with how I broke it to her, but that’s about the only emotion I displayed. That concerns me too because I expected it to be a lot more difficult for me. All something more to take with my therapist.

This happened on Wednesday and now my mom’s been contacting me almost every day to ask how I’m doing. I tried explaining that it hasn’t had that much traumatic impact on me, but bless her for being concerned anyway. This is not how I wanted this to go at all. But from what I’ve gathered on the topic of finally opening up it family about childhood molestation, it never really goes the way you want it to. I was left a little confused and am still second-guessing myself over how I handled it. I’ll hopefully have an insightful answer tomorrow. At least my mom knows the truth now.

Well hugs, if wanted. At least it's out of the way now. I don't think there's any second-guessing to do. This wasn't planned- you've just had your bait of everyone assuming you're so broke up over your dad passing away, and it burst out. We all have our limits. It's did, and now you can put that question behind you.

Thank you as always for your support. I’ve been trying to look at the upside in that at least it’s out of the way now.

[quote="Snaga"]Well hugs, if wanted. At least it's out of the way now. I don't think there's any second-guessing to do. This wasn't planned- you've just had your bait of everyone assuming you're so broke up over your dad passing away, and it burst out. We all have our limits. It's did, and now you can put that question behind you.[/quote]
You should consider being counselor if you haven’t already. Mine said basically the exact same thing you said here about - to not dwell on those thoughts of questioning myself. But you said it first, so I thank you again for that.

Well if I thought that could pay my mortgage...

I don't think so but it's kind of you to say so and thank you.