I should really come up with a better way of referring to him rather than just calling him my ex. At this point, we’re exes only in the sense of no longer being romantically involved, but we’re back to being close friends. We’ve been spending time together again and while we were chatting, he opened up to me about a mental health problem he’s been having. I won’t go into detail on what it is, but it’s something one wouldn’t normally talk about openly. As sad as it was to hear he’s struggling with his own issues, I appreciate him trusting me with telling me. It goes to show how good of friends we’ve become again, if me enjoying his physical affection wasn’t indicative of that already.

I’m thinking of opening up to him about my experiences being molested by my dad, something he doesn’t know about at all since we never spoke about it, not even when we were together. I wouldn’t just be doing it because he opened up to me about something personal (with this being even more personal on so many levels.) I’m very comfortable around him, obviously. I trust him enough to open up to him about something like this. Though, I’m uncertain on whether or not I should. I know it would be a lot for him to take in but also, it’s getting him involved in something deeply personal and ongoing.

But I haven’t talked about it much with anyone else I know personally except my mom. I did tell a few friends, but I watered it down, so to speak. I told them my dad was abusive without going into further detail. If I do tell my ex about it, it wouldn’t be anytime soon. It’s more of an idea than any serious consideration, I suppose. Maybe I’ll wait a little longer to see if what we have going even lasts.

Well.

If you did decide to tell him, it might help explain things to him as to your behaviour when it comes to getting sexual. I'm assuming you'd also add how it's affected you sexually.

As for his reaction, if he's the kind of guy he seems to be, he'd probably be pretty upset on your behalf. I know I'd be glad your dad was dead because then I wouldn't have to worry about keeping my mouth shut around him. But then I'm just a fat old man; the older I get, the less 'life sentence' means to me... no but seriously I don't think I'd be able to contain the hatred and knowing me I'd at the very least be pretty hateful at him.

So you at least don't have to worry about that aspect of telling him.

Since you're not being sexual, it also means you don't have to worry about him suddenly being afraid of being sexual with you. I think if I had a partner who told me she'd had happen everything you had, I'd be overthinking every touch. I... would say that you shouldn't be surprised if those little touches you've been enjoying might decrease, should you tell him. If he's anything like me, he'd be afraid of appearing to be... a cad? Not sure what I'm aiming for with that, other then I'd definitely not ever want to be compared to your dad, if it were me. So far as 'bad touches' go.

I'll add that probably MY favorite thing with a girl is going down on her; and that would just get inside my head if I were told your story by a significant other. And not in a good way. I'd be thinking of what he did every darn time.

I completely get what you’re saying about the physical affection decreasing because he might feel wrong about it afterwards. You’re probably right. At the same time, I’m sure it would most definitely explain a lot of things to him as far as my lack of sexual interest goes. Lucky for him and I, I suppose, is that he was never that into giving me oral sex. If I were to tell him, I would only hope that wouldn’t linger in his mind too much. I may very well not go into detail on what my dad did to me. But then, that might be even worse being left wondering about the details like it was with my mom. All things to consider…

We were spending time together again today and while enjoying more of his attention, the thought actually crossed my mind. Not that I was thinking of telling him at that moment, just contemplating what might happen if I did. Maybe I’m just a bit smitten with his little touches, but I hate the thought of it ending or even happening less often once I tell him. That I’m still not attracted to him in any typical sense somehow makes things more complicated.