Today's session, we got to talking more about my molestation again. She asked me how I've been doing I told her I still get occasional flashbacks and still feel guilt over what happened, even though I know I shouldn't- that I feel like a lost cause since I still struggle with it. I told her about a few recurring flashbacks of mine that get to me. She dug pretty deep in trying to figure out why I still feel ashamed over it. Then she brought up my current relationship with boyfriendish and some of the frustrations I've conveyed with her last time. How I wish I could say there was a romantic and sexual interest in him.

I think she might have hit the nail on the head: that my problem is that I had somewhat experienced that one point while I was being molested by my dad and am torn that I'm unable to experience that again even with someone who seems to be an ideal partner for me. I had eluded to this before in a previous entry, but didn't dwell too much on it. She also surmised that because my dad is no longer alive, that I can't direct my ire over this toward him like I should be so I just aim it back myself. Unfortunately, by the time we got around to that, we had ran out of time, but I think she really got on to something.

I've certainly been thinking about it since our session ended and probably will be until our next.