As expected, my therapist and I once again talked about the early period of my dad molesting me from ages 8 to 13 and how it was consensual (in a sense) during that time. Also how badly I hate myself for it now. I've learned I'm more angry at myself for that than I am at my dad for molesting me, which, suffice to say, is very unhealthy. I found myself blurting out without even thinking that I just want to go back to that stupid little girl I was and slap her for willingly being messed up for life. The moment I said that, I broke down. That's indicative of how much resentment I have toward myself. But as my therapist said, that's a breakthrough on this subject because we're uncovering some deep-rooted issues I had and now we're able to deal with them better. I'm sure it's normal to have mixed feelings regarding therapy. I've talked about this before. I'm glad to be getting the help I very much need, but it's also highly demoralizing. I've always considered myself a reasonably intelligent and logical person hardened by my experiences, but this makes me feel that I'm just broken and emotionally-driven. I'll continue to go though. We'll probably be talking about this for a while yet.