As I stated in my previous post, I went and talked to my therapist about how whenever I get plagued by flashbacks, it's always memories from one period of my molestation or the other - either from 8-12 or 13-15, never memories from either periods at once. She tells me she has noticed it that too during our sessions, but it's unsurprising because I had two entirely different mindsets in during of those times. From 8 to 12, I had been enjoying it and from 13 and on, I started feeling violated. She also talked about how the memories from either period bother me for different reasons. Child and preteen years, it bothers me because I had enjoyed it. During my teen years, it bothers me because I had to endure it and it became a daily occurrence. Her words make perfect sense. You'd think I would have figured that out by myself. Maybe I still didn't want to focus on the fact that I had enjoyed it at one point again. But that clears that up. Now I can't help but wonder when exactly did I stop enjoying it. Where did the one period end and the other begin? Perhaps I'll reflect on that in another entry.