Sessions got moved to Tuesdays instead of Mondays. Hopefully that's the last time...

As expected, my therapist wanted to hear all about boyfriendish. Even she seemed a bit confused by the dynamics of my relationship with him. Kept asking me if I was sure there was no romantic interest whatsoever. But she seemed to understand a lot better after I opened up to her about my daddy issues. How I basically just yearn for his purely innocent (mostly) physical affection, which was something I never got out of my dad. I also mentioned how it took me a long time to figure that out when I probably have done so much sooner if I had her consultation. I get the feeling we're not done with him yet because the last thing she asked me before we ran out of time was where I see our relationship going. To which, I told her the truth: I don't know. I don't think boyfriendish and I ever think about it too much and just enjoy each other's company while it lasts. But I told her I do understand that it can't realistically go on forever. I didn't talk much about our past relationship when we were dating, so she'll probably want to ask all about that next time.

Overall, it was a productive session. It helped me realize that even if I don't have any romantic feelings for boyfriendish, it doesn't mean I don't have any strong feelings for him at all, which I do. I love him as a close friend - my best friend. I appreciate and value him a great deal for bringing comfort in my life during a time when I really need it. I never told him any of this for fear of it coming off that I'm professing romantic feelings and complicating our relationship, so it was nice to actually say it to someone else. Maybe my therapist can help me find a way to tell him without indicating any romantic attraction. Or maybe it's just as well that I don't.