I may very well make an actual post out of this but for now, I'm just going to put this here.

I can talk about how my dad molested me for years and can even go into graphic detail over what he did without any issue. I can read about other people's experiences as well even when they're similar to mine without getting triggered too badly. But for some reason, whenever I think about what I'm going to about my traumatic past now, it scares me. Telling my family what happened, whether I should seek counseling, etc. It's overwhelming and it just gives me a headache.

I guess part of me feels that because my dad died recently, if I'm going to tell anyone in my family about it, I had better do it soon because every day that passes by that I don't tell is just going to look more ridiculous as to why I didn't tell sooner. Like the opportunity to let everyone know what kind of person he really was in right in front of me and I'm letting it slip by. I feel pressured and I can't stand it. I know there is no pressure, but that's how I feel.

I don't know why thinking about what I'm going to do now terrifies me so much, but it does. If I decide to make a post out of this on the forums, maybe someone will have answers for me. At the very least, I hope I'm not the only one who struggles with the "what next" than the actual trauma.